Writers
Becky Lang, Creator
is a creative (copywriter) at Zeus Jones, a former entertainment editor and a fan of witty TV shows with a strong female lead, according to Netflix. She has quit several sports in her life, including soccer, dance, tennis, swimming, ice skating, volleyball, speedskating and taekwondo. Now she likes to draw pictures of wild animals, hipsters and dangerous weapons, drink whisky in various forms and at various places and feel sad about how many things she’s forgotten since college. You can check out her exploits on Twitter and Tumblr.
Jay Gabler, Founding Editor
is a digital producer at Minnesota Public Radio’s The Current. He’s also the theater critic for City Pages and the author, co-author, or co-editor of seven books. He’s on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram.
Katie Sisneros, Founding Editor
is a PhD student in English literature at the University of Minnesota Twin Cities. She is a Minneapolis transplant from Nebraska where she earned two English degrees at UNL before deciding to one-up herself at the U of M. She orders whiskey diets but won’t return it if she’s served a whiskey coke, and usually manages to get about 35% of the questions on Jeopardy right. She owns multiple copies of the complete works of Shakespeare, but not an iPad. Read her on Twitter and Tumblr.
Sarah Heuer, Editor:
is a community college professor of Philosophy. She has called Minneapolis home since she returned from a brief (and regrettable, she assures you) stint as an Iowan during grad school. Given her educational pursuits, if she was a DJ and/or rap video ho, her name would be Bioethixxx. She spends approximately 75% of her waking hours on GChat (hint, add her), regularly blogs as one half of phiLOLZophy and is known to post frequent self-depreciating overshares on her Twitter.
Jason Zabel, Editor:
is a hungry, hungry hippo. He is also City Editor of The A.V. Club Twin Cities. He raises several cats but refuses to be called a “cat person,” because he is not part feline. In 2009, he cried 27 times; in 2010, he cried only 3 times. You can follow his Twitter, or add the non-sensical and infrequently updated Idiot Quest Taste Explosion to your blogroll, if you insist on living in 2007.
Dunstan McGill
Dunstan McGill grew up in isolated wealth on a family-owned island off Maine, where he was kept constant solace by his confidant and riding horse, Aloysius. After graduating from an exclusive, private boy’s academy, he spent four years chasing pygmy goats in the mountainlands of New Guinea, before returning to the States, to accept the chairmanship of a gold-mining magnate, bequeathed to him by his dead father. He has since sold the company and spends his days strapped to a windsurf board, working on an unfinished memoir the New Yorker has already declared “an epic statement of letters–perhaps the last, best word on mankind we could hope for.” When he’s not avoiding the lurking eye of the British Press, Mr. McGill writes blog entries on blind dates at seedy, midwestern bowling alleys. The notorious, albeit fashion-savvy recluse has had a tempestuous on-again, off-again affair with an ex-Russian model/ballerina. He has no children. And he often plays himself to sleep at night, with Chopin on his white grand piano. Follow him on Twitter.
Heidi Thomasoni, Editor:
Heidi Thomasoni wishes she were a yuppie because she really likes their Wikipedia page. Unlike most gingers, Heidi once had a soul, but she sold it to a Native American kid for some beads and a poem about Orangina. (True Story.) She enjoys running, using parentheses, and drinking beer in the shower. Follow her blog here.
Emily Weiss, Editor:
Emily Weiss lives in Minneapolis and is the director of publicity for a media group. She writes sometimes on her food blog, less often for Twin Cities Daily Planet, and just a couple of times for The Hairpin, but it was cool because that’s how she met Becky Lang. She will probably talk your ear off if you ever meet IRL and mention any of the following: My Strange Addiction, small/out-of the way bakeries, doll houses, Anne of Green Gables, injury stories, Goodwill by the pound, Real Housewives of Anything, fears, pudding.
Staff writers:
Kelsey McDonough
Kelsey McDonough works in marketing, just like everybody else. She spends most days thinking of ways to consume more artificial sweetener, wasting her emotions on television shows and trying to avoid white-person-with-dreadlocks stereotypes. Follow her onTwitter and Tumblr.
Marcus Michalik
Marcus is back in his hometown of Roseville and on a really amazing journey of self-discovery called unemployment. He enjoys waving at animals on computer screens, beginning sentences with “You guys,” and dancing to songs released by Real Housewives. You can follow him on Tumblr and Twitter.
Chrissy Stockton
One of the two writers of the esteemed Philolzophy, a blog about theory, pop-culture, cats, vodka and pretending to do meth. Newly a Catholic. Host of the official Tangenitalia Ravetreat. Doesn’t like girls who bake.
Jay Boller
Jay Boller is the creator and editor of The Sport Hole and a lifelong beer coozie enthusiast. He loves hound dogs, hot dogs and horn dogs.
Katya Karaz
Katya Karaz grew up in Fargo, North Dakota. She’s not joking when she says that rural ND is her favorite place. A dual degree in English and Comm. conditioned her clerical duty skills to near perfection, and after college she moved to Minneapolis to work. As a new big city resident, she spends most of her free time lost in a labyrinth of exits and on-ramps, screaming and clutching her GPS with a white knuckle grip. When she’s not trapped in her car, she’s usually grocery shopping, mending holes she somehow tore in her clothing, cultivating senseless anxieties, faking it at the gym, nagging Petco staff to let her hold the kittens, or thinking about writing.
Lisa Olson
Lisa Olson holds a BA in art from the University of Minnesota, which is why she still works in retail for the time being. She is a lifelong nerd well-versed in many fandoms, and ships with seriousness. Her attention to detail has caused her father to call her “a malcontent” during arguments about The Walking Dead. She is not a good dancer, but an enthusiastic one. She would starve to death if takeout wasn’t a thing. She’s on Twitter and Tumblr.
Staff designer:
Caroline Royce
Caroline is our go-to book designer, having designed the cover for Future Cities and the identity for our upcoming book, Activitorium. She is a designer for l’etoile magazine, Jake Rudh’s Transmission and the Star Tribune. She spends a lot of time on Pinterest and Reddit, and takes Instagramming really seriously. She also listens to a lot of music and thinks Spotify is really special. Her cat, Arya, is the Best Cat
Contributing writers:
sample post: “What I Learned Working in a Call Center”
sample post: “Jack Kerouac’s 30 Writing Essentials, Updated for 2012
sample post: “Seven Things My Period Has Taught Me”
sample post: “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love OkCupid”
sample post: “Do It Yourself: The Masturbatosphere”
sample post: Kelly Reichardt Talks About “Certain Women” and What It Means To Be an “Independent” Filmmaker in 2016
sample post: “Yes, Dog, You Totally Scared Me Away From Your Shit-Filed Yard”
sample post: “What These Dogs Would Be Into If They Followed ‘The Handkerchief Code'”
sample post: “How the Replacements reunion made me feel like I finally belong to my generation”
sample post: “The Inner Dialogue of a Tooth Fairy Standing By the Side of the Road Holding a Sign”
sample post: “When to Use Popular E-Mail Signoffs”
sample post: “Where You Shoulda Put a Ring”
sample post: “10 Things About Having a Stoma That They Never Tell You”
sample post: “The Balls We Subconsciously See All Around Us”
sample post: “Thoughts I Have While Listening to Lana Del Rey’s ‘Video Games'”
sample post: “In Defence of Pyjamas”
sample post: “Therapy Session at Starbucks”
sample post: “What Your Favorite Justin Bieber Song Says About You”
sample post: “If Reality TV Shows Were Sexual Fetishes”
sample post: “What These Texts Really Meant”
sample post: “An Appeal for Mercy From Your Ex-Girlfriend’s Toothbrush”
sample post: “Creating Online Dating Profiles for People I Don’t Like”
sample post: “Simple Ways to Trick Your Co-Workers Into Liking, or At Least Fearing, You”
sample post: “Damn Yankees at the Ordway: A familiar tale, told well”
sample post: “Putting Food Network Hosts Under the Hogwarts Sorting Hat”
sample post: “Country Wisdom from an Urban Foodie Turned Farmer”
sample post: “Infographics: The Social Ecology of the Lumbersexual”
sample post: That Time I Didn’t Buy SJPs
sample post: Dear Generation Y Bride
sample post: “When to Give Up on a Blow Job”
sample post: “Why Taylor Swift and I Don’t Have to Burn Our Bras”
sample post: “Spoonspeak: Introducing the Peculiar Into Post-Coital Conversations”
sample post: “Long-Term Effects of Unending Unemployment”
sample post: “My Hometown—Christchurch, New Zealand—Got Smashed in an Earthquake Today”
sample post: “My Emoji Glossary”
sample post: “A Guide to Winter Drinking”
sample post: “Why Dating Athletes is Great and I Should Do It”
sample post: “Some of My Notable Romantic/Sexual Experiences [Ages 13-20]”
sample post: “The Ten Elements of Lesbian Dating”
sample post: “I Only Have Sex with Ladies Named Jean”
sample post: “Play Twitpic Mash”
sample post: “Slutty Words of the English Language”
sample post: “The 10 Most Depressing Things About Being a Single, Straight, Male Cat Owner”
sample post: “How to Assess a Potential Bro Hookup Based on How Many Bros He Brings to the Bar”
sample post: “What It Means To Be a Teenager Who Loves Classical Music”
sample post: “What’s Wrong With Florida?”
sample post: “Dear Daisy”
sample post: “What I Want You to Do to Me”
sample post: “Dude Characteristics That I Fetishize”
sample post: “How to Give a Good Mercy Lay”
sample post: “Jersey Shore Finishing School”
sample post: “How to Throw the Most Heretical Good Friday Party on Your Block”
sample post: “Awkward Moments to Expect When You’re Getting Your Ass Waxed”
sample post: “Is Nicotine Gum Worth It?”
sample post: “What a Guy’s Body Size Says About His Dick Size and Fuckability”
sample post: “How I Don’t Write”
sample post: “Three Drink Recipes from College That I Hope Translate to Post-College Life”
sample post: “Things That Freak Me Out, In Order from Most to Least Justifiable”
sample post: “A Guide to Fucking Hipster Girls”
sample post: “I Love Country—and I Don’t Apologize For It”
sample post: “The Post-Breakup Slutty Period: A Road Map”
sample post: “Four Dislikable Things About Spotify”
sample post: “The Ten Dumbest Things I Have Ever Done”
sample post: “Five Things You Do at Work That Make Me Secretly Want to Kill You”
sample post: “Video Games, I Just Want to Sit On My Ass and Play You! Why Do You Have to Be So Difficult [and Also, Sexist]?”
sample post: “How to Treat Social Media Like a Video Game for Maximum Fun”
sample post: “What I’m Actually Thinking When I’m Watching the Concert I’m Supposed to Review”
sample post: “Thought Catalog Confronts McSweeney’s at a Movie Theater”
sample post: “Why Living in Europe is Not as Awesome as It Sounds From America”
sample post: “Confessions of a Facebook Photo Tag Neurotic”
sample post: “How to Reluctantly Deduce That He Doesn’t Want to Sleep With You, Using Text Messages”
sample post: “E-Mails You Get On Your Neighborhood Listserv”
sample post: “What Really Caused the Quake in Japan?”
sample post: “Recovering from an Eating Disorder: What It’s Meant for Me”
sample post: “Five Ways Adulthood Ruins Christmas”
sample post: “13 Alt Uses for Your New Mason Jar”
sample post: “Mythbusting: Sexy Librarians”
sample post: “Thanks, Megan Boyle, for Saving Me From the Chicago Police”
sample post: “Tani Party: Little-Known B-Sides from Ani DiFranco and Tammy Wynette”
sample post: “The Joys of an Oxfordless Comma”
sample post: “Thoughts I’ve Had While Working at a Meat Processing Plant”
sample post: “Limbo”
sample post: “I spent two weeks with a famous person and all I got was severe depression and a penchant for cocaine”
sample post: “What Your Bed Covers Say About You”
sample post: “Awesome/Horrible Things From My Childhood That Technology Will Kill”
sample post: “Thoughts in the Midst of a Pregnancy Scare”
sample post: “The Top Four Reasons I Couldn’t Act On My Bisexuality at Christian College”
sample post: “An Open Letter to the Self-Checkout”
sample post: “‘Why I Love Foggy Clubs,’ by a Guy Who Loves Foggy Clubs”
Illustrations by Becky Lang