Celebrating International Women’s Day Like a REAL Woman, 7 Years Later
Seven years ago, when I was but a wee baby 24 year old in the 2nd year of my PhD program, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek, fart-joke-filled post..
My PhD Defense Gift Registry
Because damnit I’ve worked for six and a half years for this friggin’ thing and I deserve some prezzies.
—–
– A copy of the 250 d..
I Want to Be Your 6th Grade Class President, by Donald J. Trump (age 11)
Hello, fellow sixth graders of Kew-Forest School. My name is Donald J. Trump, but you can call me Donny. I am eleven years old, I like rid..
It’s 2016. Are You Kidding Me.
It’s 2016. No, I’m not reminding you what year it is (it’s April, get that shit on lockdown). I’m saying it’s fucking 2016. This has becom..
A Love Letter to These Fuckin’ Lil’ Weenies
My Dearest Lil’ Weenies,
When I saw you at the grocery store prior to my drive up north for a nice long weekend in a warm cabin, I knew..
A Manifesto for the Profoundly Uncoordinated
Some people are beautiful, symmetrical, smooth, and glowing. Some are off-putting, pocky, inexplicably lumpy, and faintly resemble a flesh..
Realistic New Year’s Resolutions for Reluctant Adults
1. Remember to lift your wiper blades if there’s snow in the forecast. Sometimes, you know there’s a real adult nearby just by looking at ..
5 Fun Ideas for Those Thanksgiving Leftovers!
Happy end of the beginning of the holidays, readers! The extended family has gone home, all your cleverest strategic hiding spots for bott..
First Draft of Jason Derulo’s “Want To Want Me”
(Intro music)
(Derulo…)
It’s so hard to sleep
I, Jason Derulo, got the sheets on the floor
Listen to me, I’m Jason Derulo,
And ..
How We Imagine Harry Potter is Spending his 35th Birthday
Experiencing erectile dysfunction due to mid-life malaise.
Watching Albus Severus’s Quidditch game and muttering “I would have caught t..
What It’s Actually Like to Karaoke Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
Every one of us, at some point, comes to the conclusion that it is a good idea to karaoke Bonnie Tyler’s seminal hit “Total Eclipse of the..
Less Obvious Reasons Space Is Scary as Fuck
If your top three list of the most terrifying things you can think of doesn’t consist of 1) the deep ocean, 2) trying to escape a cornfiel..