Whiskey dick is real. The human penis does not always function as it should – and that’s a hard thing to admit, especially with the person you’re futilely rubbing parts with.

There comes a point in a blow job when you start to suspect this is happening. Ah, I see that those last three hits of pot and shotgunned beer were not being consumed with the express purpose of enhancing our forthcoming sex.

The first response is to generally ignore it and pull out extra stops to both get them going again and also reinforce that you believe in their manhood. At this point, you might utter a lie about how hard they are. It’s important to stop the Catch-22 that is a dude realizing he’s losing it and getting embarrassed, which makes him lose it more, on and on until you both go to bed feeling awkward.

Sometimes this approach works, and together, you persevere and triumph. He feels like a big shot baby-maker and his boner for himself will stay intact. But sometimes this fails, and you have to ask yourself the question, “Do I just stop here? Can I just quit and go to bed?”

But he seems to be blissfully letting you go at it – or pretending to, and it doesn’t seem worth it to give up. One option is to keep going for half an hour and then give up. Your next step is to dump that dude. A guy who lets that happen is not only kind of boring in bed, but also inconsiderate in other parts of life. Trust me.

It’s better to set yourself a time limit that errs on the side of short. You might find the magic number when it comes to spermy success. Or you might just say, “let’s go to bed” and save your jaw the effort.

-Rachel Green

Photo – Creative Commons by Public Domain Photos