Author: Rachel Green
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I Don’t Have a Boyfriend. I Have a Dom.
I’m in a relationship right now that’s hard to explain and even harder for those listening to understand. But I’d like to try. I am a sub, or submissive. I don’t have a boyfriend. I have a dom. The popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey has afforded BDSM a wave of intrigue and recognition, but…
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Types of U.S. Political Candidates: A Field Guide
The young gun Examples: Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin), Sarah Palin (R-Alaska) The young gun is sexy. S/he needs to have a 90% absence of physical flaws complemented by several striking attributes—sparkly green eyes, long, shiny brunette hair flecked with blonde highlights, maybe a butt chin. The young gun has been in the game for a few…
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Discussion Topics for Ann Romney’s Morning Devotional Group
1) Keep a day journal: Don’t forget to stay on top of the small yet vital things in life. You never know when the kids will need another nutritious celery stick smeared with peanut butter! Or when you’ll have to hire a new, $4,000 per week Venezuelan buttress to tend to their dietary needs while…
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What Women Think About Porn
I obviously can’t speak for all women here – I’m sure there are some out there who, if they discover you watching porn, will consider it cheating and write to Cosmo about it before angry-baking all night to deal. But most of us realize that most of you – men – watch it, download it…
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How to Send a Dick Pic She’ll Cherish
OK gentlemen. You love getting sexy pictures sent to your private, dirty layer of an SMS stream. You like boobie hanging out shots, nipple close-ups, open vaginas, lingerie adventures, whatever. Ladies also like sexy pictures. We enjoy your penises, and a picture really does help fill in the lines that memory cannot. But there are…
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Pros and Cons of Adderall Abuse
Pros: -When drinking, it cancels out annoying side effects like memory loss, sleepiness and the inability to hold a coherent talk with a cab driver. -It’s cheap. One Adderall costs less than a drink. -It can take you from sleepy to “Where the hell is the after party? Let’s go to that warehouse and chain…
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When to Give Up on a Blow Job
Whiskey dick is real. The human penis does not always function as it should – and that’s a hard thing to admit, especially with the person you’re futilely rubbing parts with. There comes a point in a blow job when you start to suspect this is happening. Ah, I see that those last three hits…
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A Guide to Explaining Poppers to a Noob
My first experience with poppers was at a gay friend’s house. We were all sitting around drinking and he pulled out a tiny little bottle that looked like one of those essential oils you stick into those fancy burners. “Want to do some poppers?” “What’s that?” “It’s a gay sex drug. It makes your asshole…
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The Ten Elements of Lesbian Dating
Time moves at warp speed. You meet at a bar. You chat for 20 minutes. You both feel some chemistry, so you offer to buy her a second drink. This serves two purposes: it shows your interest and establishes you as the bank account of the relationship. You proceed to chat for a few hours,…
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Every Time I Almost Got Arrested
The time I got in a fight at a concert. I’d pushed my way in front of someone like any normal concertgoer, but this one had a mouth and I’d consumed way too much alcohol to back down. There was a blur of pushing and hair pulling and the next thing I remember I was…
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Considerations When Deciding Whether or Not to Sleep with Someone You’re Only Moderately Interested In
You may get to have an orgasm. If you don’t care that much, you won’t be self-conscious. This bodes well for sex being good. Also, you can experiment with some weird stuff without the hanging question of “will I always know the father of my children has a thing for schoolteachers?” You may have increased…
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Things I Think While Simultaneously Giving and Receiving a Blow Job
There’s a penis in my mouth! Also, my penis is in someone’s mouth! Is this a race? I don’t think I’m winning. He’s heavy, so I ask if we can shift to our sides. We do, but I now feel lazy, like taking a nap with his wiener in my food hole. I feel comfortable…