Author: Beck Kilkenny
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I Tried Out to be the Lead Singer of a Prog Rock Band
People often mistake me for a musician. It’s probably because I’m tall and thin, and have the dark hair/blues eyes combo that makes me look more serious and intelligent than I actually am. Baristas, old guys in thrift shops, and even weirdos on the street are prone to approaching me with the same question loaded…
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Panties for Him: Can Straight Men Be Sexy?
I was shopping for undies at Target and was overcome with mirth when I found them. I quickly snapped them up, brought them home, took a shower, and put them on. Something deep inside me knew that I had wanted this all along without ever asking for it. It was like destiny. It was sports…
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Self-Deprecation Dos and Don’ts
DON’T: Be self-deprecating in a facebook post. The only possible results are significantly more un-satisfying than just having low self esteem alone, without the internet. You’ll either get 1) lip service from someone who’s totally unimportant to you 2) jibes from your cooler friends for being a pity whore, or most upsettingly 3) no response…
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Creepypasta: Why Would Cartoons Make You Kill Yourself?
The origin of the horror story is the nightmare. Our dreams are populated by what we consume, so it’s fair to say many of us have dreams involving fictional characters as long as we spend an adequate amount of time watching TV or playing video games. “Creepypasta” is a subgenre of “copypasta,” a term that…
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Should You Be Watching MTV This Summer? We Rate What’s On
Catfish: The TV Show MTV is known for reality, not documentary. But the difference is getting slimmer: Both types of shows are typically Steadicam footage, voice over, and interview segments. In reality shows, the subject is the egos of the actors (or competitors, or judges). In documentary the subject is conceptual, a message from the…
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My Sister the Teen Mom, Eight Years Later
When my older sister was 17, she had a daughter. Her daughter—my niece—is now eight. My parents have had a significant influence over my niece’s life, acting as both giving grandparents and benevolent guardians and navigating the boundaries between those roles as they go along. I feel like I am reliving my childhood when I…
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What’s Wrong With Florida?
Jon Stewart has a recurring joke about Florida: “It’s America’s wang.” I’ve only been there once before, as a kid, for my uncle’s 50th birthday. I was sick a lot, and it was humid and buggy the whole time. I remember a can of pop at the Disney Caribbean Island themed hotel cost $5, and…
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Two Rape Jokes
Last month saw another heated Twitter conflict about rape and comedy between Jezebel’s Lindy West and comedian Roseanne Barr. It all started after a debate between West and stand-up Jim Norton on W. Kamau Bell’s FX show Totally Biased. The performance of the debate was lopsided (obviously a stand-up comedian has more public speaking ability…
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Evil Genius/Idiot Genius: What it Means to Be a Straight, White Male
I am a straight, white, young male. My demographic is far from underrepresented in the media, and because of that it’s treated as the default setting for the human race. I’m happy to notice that today’s television has more black/female/gay leads than ever before, and there’s reason to keep positive about the state of social…
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Straw-Ber-Ita: A Song of Life’s Changes
My girlfriend bought Bud Lite Lime Straw-ber-ita for a girl’s night last week. She’s kept them rolling around in the trunk of her Saturn since then and would pull one out every few days and drink it, either over ice as suggested or as fast as she could like it’s Kool-aid. I’ve tasted it. Chances…
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People I’m Afraid of Becoming as I Age
30s -Guy who doesn’t drink or do drugs except when he’s on vacation -Dad who who makes his toddlers listen to Sonic Youth -Spandex short shorts/reflective vest bicyclist -Employee unsuspectingly promoted to supervisor -Husband with a once a week “sex day” -Worker willing to commute to the city from his town home in another state…