Author: Dan Fleischhacker
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Signs That You’re in a Suburban Bar
Large, well-maintained bathrooms: There is more than one toilet/urinal. There are doors on the stalls and those doors have functional locks. Most likely the toilets haven’t been puked in and if they have, it has been cleaned up. In the men’s bathroom, there is digital urinal advertising. People unintentionally dressed like hipsters: People have bad…
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What the Way You Eat Oreos Says About Your Movie Preferences
You twist both cookie halves until the “Oreo” printed on each side lines up exactly before you can eat it: Woody Allen movies. You eat them with Cool Ranch Doritos and Mountain Dew: Pineapple Express, Grandma’s Boy, Evil Bong, documentaries about tigers, sharks, or “animals…nature…that kind of shit.” You drop them in milk, letting them…
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What Your Choice of Soda Says About You
Ginger Ale: You have an upset stomach and no one around has any Pepto-Bismol. Or you are just staring at the mostly full glass, desperately hoping that someone will walk by and pour a shot of Jameson in it. Diet Coke: You are an addict. Diet Coke is basically crack for the 18-35 demographic who…
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Simple Ways to Trick Your Co-Workers into Liking, or At Least Fearing You
– Buy a fake, but very real-looking plant and pour a little actual dirt in the pot to layer over whatever is there. Coworkers and your boss will think of you as a responsible person who cares for another living entity besides yourself. This will be untrue, but at least subconsciously, it will make you…