What These Texts Really Meant
What #1 said: Jeffrey, don’t you know that we’re all online because this whole thing is messy and terrible? I honestly don’t think I’m the person you’re looking for. I don’t even think I know what I want, I just know it’s going to take a while to figure it out.
What #1 meant: I know we went on a date and yes, it was fine. Ok, maybe better than fine. I know, we did kiss for a bit, but, still, that doesn’t make me your girlfriend. As you may noticed as well, I’m kind of hot. Didn’t I tell you that story about my boobs? I think I did. I’m in law school, too, so I’m really busy, unless it’s for an extremely interesting guy. Or, you know, girl, because, as you knew, I’m bisexual. You’re out of your element, is what I’m trying to tell you. I do know exactly what I want, it just isn’t you.
What #2 said: This isn’t going to happen. I just got really turned off by how intense things got so soon.
What #2 meant: You’re kind of old. I mean, I’m 23. You’re 31. And, you have less hair than I thought you would. I mean, your pictures, they didn’t really show that, did they? The sex, well, it was fine, but it wasn’t good enough to warrant beginning a fling. I’m sure I’ll find someone hotter closer to my age.
What #3 said: So I wanted to tell you first, but I’m going to delete my account. I don’t think I’m going to have time to see anyone right now. You’re an amazing guy, but I really need to concentrate on my dissertation. Good luck.
What #3 meant: I really am busy right now and I do need to finish my dissertation…but I’m really not that busy and I’d like to tell you I am as I don’t think you have enough going for you to warrant taking up the little time I do have. Good luck.
What #4 said: I actually have a work thing tomorrow night, but even with that I’m not sure how I want to proceed with things. It’s all feeling a bit too much like a relationship. I need some time to sort things out. Thanks for the invite.
What #4 meant : Really? Still? It’s been over for a couple days now.
What #5 said: It was nice meeting you, too. Thanks for the pho!
What #5 meant: You work at a bookstore. I almost have my Ph.D. I’m not going to be taking care of you. Also, thanks for the pho.