Celebrating International Women’s Day Like a REAL Woman, 7 Years Later
Seven years ago, when I was but a wee baby 24 year old in the 2nd year of my PhD program, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek, fart-joke-filled post..
5 Fun Ideas for Those Thanksgiving Leftovers!
Happy end of the beginning of the holidays, readers! The extended family has gone home, all your cleverest strategic hiding spots for bott..
Less Obvious Reasons Space Is Scary as Fuck
If your top three list of the most terrifying things you can think of doesn’t consist of 1) the deep ocean, 2) trying to escape a cornfiel..
Lesser-Known Consequences of Pursuing a PhD in English
So you’ve decided to earn a PhD in English, huh? Whether you’re beating the boss level of English degrees (having already rescued the prin..
What Meat Loaf Won’t Do for Love (And Why It’s Creepy)
Any time a drunk moron is sloshing a bottle of Bud Lite around while gesticulating wildly at a karaoke bar, s/he is probably doing so beca..
An Open Letter to My Belly Fat
Hey there, buddy. You’re probably wondering why I asked you here today. Two reasons: 1) We need to talk. 2) You’re physically attached to ..
Thoughts While Browsing Men on Tinder
All of his photos are angled downward. Which means he’s probably shorter than everyone who’s ever taken a picture of him ever.
Why You Shouldn’t Give Your Baby a Fisher-Price iPad Seat for Christmas
Like Matt Peckham and many commenters, I’m appalled—simply appalled—at the audacity of Fisher-Price. Those soulless bastards have take..
What’s Wrong With Florida?
Jon Stewart has a recurring joke about Florida: “It’s America’s wang.”
I’ve only been there once before, as a kid, for my uncle’s 50th ..
An Open Apology to Peanut Butter
Dear Peanut Butter,
I’m sorry that I did not consciously realize until recently that you are actually made out of peanuts. Like by ..
No One Ruins a Party Like a Steampunk Ruins a Party
I’ve been where you are. Enjoying the night. Letting the smoothness of the jam band on stage sink into you. The bouncing bass. The sil..
Ten Things I Just Can’t Get Into
Animals. In Slaughterhouse-Five, Billy Pilgrim and his fellow escaping American POWs are accosted by German civilians who point out that t..