Author: Lindsay Lelivelt
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Pop Culture Maths
Florence (and the machine) = Celine Dion x Red Hair / Creepy Older Husband Grimm = Buffy the Vampire Slayer + A Hot Cop – Sarah Michelle Gellar McDouble ≠ Double Cheeseburger Britney Spears x Talent(Collagen)+Dreamy Eyes^2 = Lana Del Rey One Direction = Nsync + Foreign Accents + Barely Legal Booty^5 Simon Cowell Pepsi…
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Things Bey and Jay-Z Should Have Considered Before Naming Their Baby “Blue Ivy”
-Media references during her toddler years: Inevitable references to baby woes as having the Blues; “Fun” re-imagination of everyone in her universe as character’s from Blue’s Clues; possible options as new spokesperson for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. – If they have another baby, their first will forever be known as the “Blueprint” à la Jay-z’s…
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Corporate America is a Lot Like High School
1. Your First Day After the shock of realizing just how many people fit into such a well-organized and impersonal place, you start to settle in. Much like when you had a locker, you have your cubicle home and neighbors. You share your cubicle row, and that’s where you all hang out. You have your…
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Jersey Shore Finishing School
Always speak with a tone of elegance and refinement. Proper grammar and conversational topics are a must for catching a beau. “He speaks well English.” (Deena) “You like the boobs?!” (also Deena) “Face down, ass up…that’s the way I like to have a good time.” (Deena again) Always dress to the nines, but keep modesty…
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OPI Nail Polish Name Rejects
Don’t Make Me Puce What a Taupe! Personal Gingery – from the Law Firm Collection Zelda and the Ochre-ina of time POW! Thistle show her! Blueto Nash – from the Eddie Murphy Film Collection Umber-ground railroad Mauvel Tov! Beige-ically Beautiful Champagnes of Being Pure at Heart – from the New Generation Pop Music Collection Indigolden…
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Things I Do When I’m Stuck In Rush Hour Traffic
1. Try and figure out your personalized license plate. Is it something personal to you (SLAMMOM) (BARRB), is it public knowledge (2HAWT4U), is it a brainteaser? Why did you spend money on something you yourself never even get to look at or enjoy? Except for maybe when you’re looking for your car in the mall…
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What the Color of Your Room Says About You
Orange: Your mother never let you paint your room when you were a child. You grew up with any number of off-white shades until she found that elusive perfect shade of eggshell. But now? Now you’re in control. You’re fun and kitsch and the orange walls go perfectly with your green shag rug over your…
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Pros and cons of having my roommate move out
You packed up your things, turned in your keys and moved out. Now I’m all alone and wondering, was it better with you around? Seven reasons why I’m upset that my roommate moved out: 1. Who is going to fake sex noises with me at midnight to compete with the tantric neighbors? 2. When you…
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Everything I Really Need to Know About Life I Learned From Twitter
Share everything. “Love means rubbing Desitin on your husband’s ball rash.” Play fair. “If The Social Network doesn’t win best picture, I will kill the academy.” Don’t hit people. “I have taken the boyfriend’s car and am headed to california. I’m sorry @fuckmilesross please don’t hit me again.” Put things back where you found them.…