Harry Potter Characters I’d Sleep With
Remus Lupin. Two words. Werewolf Professor. His sex appeal comes from his age and intelligence, which would complement my slutty..
How to Have A Celebrity Crush: Then and Now
–Heidi Thomasoni used to kiss photos of Devon Sawa til she wore a hole in the page.
How to Celebrate Independence Day Like A True American
Pick out a flag-themed shirt from Old Navy, Walmart, or Kohl’s. If you’re a grown man, rip off the sleeves to show o..
What I’ve Learned From Preschoolers
-Toilet paper is pointless.
-It’s “Justin Beaver.” Duh.
-Peas and corn can only be eaten with my fingers.
-I can buy any..
The Fray Lied About Saving Lives
Hey, bald dude from The Fray. Is it alright if I call you “Fray?” Because it’s not worth my time to google you. This song came on..
My Cat is Better Than Your Baby
Hey! You’re right! That’s a pretty cute baby you’ve got there. Yes, I can see that it’s adorable when it sucks on its bottle. Gue..
Types of Girls Who Lifeguard
Lifeguards have always been sort of mysterious to me. No matter how much older and cooler I am, their sitting and staring looks a mill..
Signs You Might Be Going Through A Quarter-life Crisis
-You start telling people you’re going through a quarter-life crisis.
-All you’ve wanted to do the past couple weekends is get..
Types of People Who Watch NBA Basketball
-Old guys who played in college
-Old guys who wish they played in college
-Girls who want to date an athlete
Ten Steps of the Job Application Process
1) Find a listing. Look at the qualifications. Decide if you can bullshit “1-3 years experience” when you really have none. Won..
Storage Concepts That Are Really Weird After Some Thought
Seriously. Don’t think about them.
Cupboards. “I don’t want anyone to see what I use to eat, so I’m going to hide everything. ..
Things Kim Kardashian Can Do If Kris Humphries Moves Back to Hopkins
-Lifeguard at Lake Calhoun
-Macy’s Perfume Counter Girl
-Shot girl at Brother’s Bar and Grill
-Butt model at MCAD