Lifeguards have always been sort of mysterious to me. No matter how much older and cooler I am, their sitting and staring looks a million times more important than my jumbo book of Sudoku puzzles. They make sunscreen application look sexy and safe. More importantly, they make waiting look fun. Lifeguarding takes skill and a passion for pants-shitting experiences.
These girls exist somewhere, maybe at a beach near you.
-The girl you know is going down on someone during safety breaks. Every hour, on the hour. (That’s what they’re for, right?)
-The high school chick who just wants a tan and a higher salary than a McDonald’s employee. She’s crossing her fingers she doesn’t actually have to save anyone and frequently asks the steps for CPR.
-The college girl who takes her job very seriously and refuses to do anything but lifeguard all summer. She’s most likely still purging herself of alcohol (and men) from the previous school year.
-The competitive swimmer who can’t function in a job unless there’s water involved. She’s also very concerned about the brand and fabric of the “uniform” and complains that she can’t possibly swim fast in such a “loose” suit.
-The super outdoorsy chick who considers a rescue her monthly shower.
-The girl who doesn’t quite fit into her suit and makes everyone regret coming to the beach.
-The thirty-something who has decided to make guarding a lifelong career. She’s most likely saving up for a boob job or already had one.
-The girl who grew up in a privileged household whose successful parents forced her into it. They only allow two kinds of summer jobs: overseas internships or saving lives.
–Heidi Thomasoni just wanted a second job.
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