if there was a book called How To Talk To People Who Have Kids I would actually buy and read it
— Emily Gould (@EmilyGould) July 8, 2013
I got kicked out of the Babysitters Club because I fucked a dad
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) July 7, 2013
For a bird-flipping road-rage alternative, may I recommend the sarcastic, overly enthusiastic thumbs up.
— Maggie Ryan Sandford (@Mandford) July 7, 2013
Moral of Mad Men: the attractive white straight man can overcome adversity.
— Becky Lang (@leckybang) June 22, 2013
omg can you old people please stop writing about cronuts
— Hazel Cills (@hazelcills) June 19, 2013
My feeling is this, ladies: if you dressed like Blossom as a child, you have no business dressing like that now
— kara nesvig (@myfakeyelashes) June 18, 2013
I’d rather you not reply to my email than reply with “k”.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) June 18, 2013
please respect my privacy as I open all my new snapchats
— Sean (@SeanBlazed) June 16, 2013
My new rap name: Lil Cramp
— ☁♡kyra♡☁ (@kyraherning) June 16, 2013
Mario Kart’s “The closer to 1st place you are, the less useful power-ups you get” system is an ideal model for how our economy should work
— yung spam (@spamremix386) June 10, 2013
– Compiled by @JayGabler