Some brilliant bastard convinced humans they need to pay exorbitant amounts of money for big sheets of toilet paper to put inside boxes.
I think my ideal sexual type is “Harrison Ford being interviewed by someone he doesn’t respect.”
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) O..
I’m gong to start a photo blog titled Foods People Wear Around Their Necks to Beer Fests.
— Kristi Kruger (@EvolutionKristi) October 12..
In anticipation of tonight’s #BreakingBad finale, I just broke bad in the bathroom. (Sorry.)
— laura hooper beck (@mrpenguino) Septembe..
hey people who treat their pets like children your dog would eat your dead body and your cat would watch
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) ..
Don’t wear a red shirt to target
— Ellie McElvain (@elliemce) September 3, 2013
Hey tuneless whistler walking behind me in the park..
if you wanna be my lover, gotta get with my friends. and the trickier part: slam your body down and wind it all around.
— Emily Cain (@..
if there was a book called How To Talk To People Who Have Kids I would actually buy and read it
— Emily Gould (@EmilyGould) July 8, 201..
I think 2chainz wins rap instagram. since i followed him he’s posted a butterfly, like 9 salads, and his rose garden (twice).
PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL IS MY DREAM WOMAN. OLDER, A BITCH, AND PART CAT.
— ΞMiLY (@TEENSLUT666) May 11, 2013
Most adorable prison syno..
Hangovers, am I right? Who woulda thunk that abusing a depressant in pursuit of happiness would make you feel so crappy?
— Natalie Shur..
Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It’s just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor.
— blake (@Le..