How to Save Money and Maintain A Social Life While Unemployed and Finishing School
Find friends with money. I’ve got one of these, and if I’ve done something particularly amazing or nice, he’ll pay for my drinks. If he’s also drinking, I can pretty much just ask for more without seeming rude. How do you find friends with money? Do something that old, married people like to do, like bowling in a league. My friend is over 30 (aka super old), divorced, and plays basketball with retired men.
Invest in a flask. Don’t judge me. My Las Vegas flask has been well worth the $3.99 I spent on Fremont Street. After you’ve found the perfect “Drinking for Jesus” flask, just get a handle of Ron Diaz, and you’re good for at least four months. And you can definitely rub it in your friends’ faces after their 3rd round of expensive cocktails.
Learn to love Ramen and Cereal. I survived for four years in college on the stuff, so I’m assuming I’ll still eat it now. It’ll be hard letting go of life’s little luxuries, like goat cheese and veggie nuggets, but you’ll make it. Remember, everything is gourmet with a little Sriracha.
Find a cheap apartment. Lucky for me, I’m still in one. And though most of my friends are now living in houses with puppies and white picket fences, I am happy with my $300 rent payment. Sure, I’m running out of space and my books and clothes are stacked to the ceiling, but at least I don’t have to fix my own toilet. Look near a college for a house you can share with 7 grungy people or find a studio far away from anything cool or touristy. Basically, live by a freeway.
Avoid Target. Target is my downfall. One short trip for bread could mean a cart of clearance dresses and fluorescent nail polish. If you’re able to pass up a bunny ear headband in the dollar section, then you don’t even need this tip. I said a sad goodbye to Target this past week, but our reunion will be fabulous.
Go to free events. This is a tough thing to do when everyone I know can afford sweet concert tickets and nightly 2-for-1’s. I imagine you’ll be going to quite a few bookstore readings and seeing a Blink-182 cover band (flask in hand). If you live in the middle of nowhere, then I’m very sorry; go to the library.
Get really good at lying. “Oh, I can’t come out tonight. I have to work on my novel.” Lies, but it could be accurate. And it sounds a heck of a lot cooler than, “I can only afford a bottle of cheap wine and a bananagrams tournament” or “I’m busy rewatching all nine seasons of Seinfeld with my cat.”
Avoid posting things on blogs or Facebook between 9 pm and 12 AM. Lay low. People won’t know you’re alone in front of your computer if you don’t leave a trail. Twitter is allowed, but only post things like, “God, this guy’s guitar is so out of tune” and “Hwo meny drkz hav I had???”
– Heidi Thomasoni will be unemployed from mid-August to early December and is scared shitless.