People I’m Afraid of Becoming as I Age

People I’m Afraid of Becoming as I Age



-Guy who doesn’t drink or do drugs except when he’s on vacation

-Dad who who makes his toddlers listen to Sonic Youth

-Spandex short shorts/reflective vest bicyclist

-Employee unsuspectingly promoted to supervisor

-Husband with a once a week “sex day”

-Worker willing to commute to the city from his town home in another state

-Man moving into a condo that was built less than a year ago

-Show-goer who hassles others for moving around too much

-Neighbor who is embarrassed about his power tools

-Motorist who feels cheated when bike punks run red lights

-Sadistic antagonist to any up-and-comers in his field

-Citizen who is consistently upset about property taxes

-Shopper on a “special diet” trying to make selections at the gas station

-Patient whose identity is solely based around his disease

-Man who is easily offended

-This is when I plan to peak, so anything other than my best possible self, really

-Un-retired AARP member

-Horny widower

-Dead guy

-Guy who can’t hear you, so he just laughs at everything

-Old person with bruises all over himself just from bumping softly into things

-Dead guy

-Coma vegetable

-Dead guy

-Not a dead guy

Beck Kilkenny