Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It’s just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor.
— blake (@Leemanish) March 23, 2013
Just watched an ad for Oil of Olay BB Cream with a pre-teen blonde waif saying it “fights 7 common signs of aging.” I’m done with America.
— Mo Perry (@MoMoPerry) March 20, 2013
— Veronica De Souza (@HeyVeronica) March 20, 2013
This piece of certified mail isn’t going to open itself! Good thing, because it’s not like I’m going to open it either.
— Choire Sicha (@Choire) March 20, 2013
Is there a Grindr for pizza yet
— Katie Zack (@katiefzack) March 20, 2013
i don’t make a sound when i ejaculate on the train to work. i cum mute.
— crispin best (@crispinbest) March 19, 2013
THIS BIO MAKES ME WET twitter.com/TEENSLUT666/st…
— ΞMiLY (@TEENSLUT666) March 19, 2013
why do most happy hours end at 7pm? who are you people who can get to a bar after work by 5pm? WHO ARE YOU
— Lindsey Weber (@lindseyweber) March 18, 2013
@xsssy I know that the Danish equivalent of “Aunt Flo is in town” roughly translates to “the Communists are in the funhouse”
— Emily Weiss (@Piefingers) March 18, 2013
People who generalize are the worst
— matt (@biorhythmist) March 18, 2013
How did anyone every convince anyone else that a sexy name for a type of underwear would be “tap pant”?
— Gillian Singletary (@GillianIsGreat) March 18, 2013
– Compiled by @JayGabler