A reaction to this

1. Start a Kickstarter for Your Thing

Do you have a killer idea for a new way to tie shoes that makes velcro seem as dumb as Bananas in Pajamas? Do you design ironic beer openers that you are sure could end up being sold at Urban Outfitters? Start a Kickstarter! Tweet and Facebook about it until you reach your goal. Godspeed you. If your idea doesn’t lead to financial security, there are plenty of other hip careers for you in this skim milk-thick economy, like …

2. Donating Plasma

Yes it’s a recession, but it’s a money recession, not a blood recession (although the world is low on blood too). The point is, your veins are rich with plasmic bits, oh young one, and inside each cell is a little dollar sign. So get thee to your plasma donation center, talk to the guy you know from the tobacco shop in the waiting room and get that plasma drained. Bonus: You might get a cookie at the end.

If getting your bodily chemicals drained ends up being “your thing,” consider donating sperm. Think how many spawn you’ll have – how hip would that be?

3. Selling Your Adderall to College Kids

Are you rich in tiny blue or pink pills that you have given up taking yourself because they give you “the bitchies,” and ended up making you lose more sleep than weight? Why not sell those amphetacandies to people truly in need – college kids? Think how many brilliant midterms will be written thanks to your contribution to society. Relish in the $40 you make per week and treat yourself to massive amounts of coffee from that super hip, trendsetting college café where all the speedy kids hang out.

4. Blogging for The Huffington Post

I bet you’re a creative type who has a lot to share with the world about being young, fun and in love. Or maybe you just really hate Ron Paul. Whatever it is, share your unique perspective by blogging for The Huffington Post. You won’t get paid, so your office will basically be your parents’ den, which has kind of become the ‘cat room’ since you first left for college. Take some Claritin for those allergies and try to submit some pictures of the cats to Buzzfeed.

5. Going to Grad School

Wanna wait out the recession amongst other kids whose brains are better at conceiving the theoretical complications of translating comparative literature than visualizing massive amounts of debt? Grad school might be the place for you. The numbers show that grad school is unlikely to improve your chances of getting a job when you’re done, so you might even get to test out one of these other super hip hipster careers.

6. Doing Something Mundane Because …. It Pays Money, While Binge Drinking the Boredom Away

Work for an insurance company and deny families’ requests for coverage. Do Americorps and feel depressed about the prospects of becoming a teacher. Copy edit a brochure about light bulbs. Get mad at articles claiming your generation is lazy. Vodka.

–Becky Lang feels for you