Giant novelty scissors for a ribbon-cutting ceremony
The stem of a plant-watering glass bulb
Any of the knives we currently own
O.J. Simpson’s knife
Fetid bamboo shoots
One of those fat kindergarten pencils, sharpened to a deadly point
A hummingbird
A star from the top of a Christmas tree
A narwhal tooth-horn
Rock candy
A Jolly Rancher Stix licked to a deadly point
A laserdisc shard
An incense stick (and if so, what scent)
A nail file—not one of the metal ones, one of the cheap emery-board ones
A plastic cocktail sword
A cocktail umbrella
A lawn dart
A theremin
A kickstand
– Jay Gabler, Kelsey McDonough, Dunstan McGill, Marcus Michalik, Katie Sisneros, and Chrissy Stockton
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