This was another year of horrible (yet addicting) pop music. Perhaps you were inspired by one of several ballads meant to boost your self esteem (i.e. Pink’s “Fuckin’ Perfect”) or maybe you caught yourself singing a lyric about your cell phone (i.e. Hot Chelle Rae’s “I like it like that”) I suffered through lots of YouTube videos to bring you this list, in no particular order.

1. T-Pain & Lilly Allen’s  “5 O’Clock in the Morning”
Line: “iPhone Plugged in the wall/Just waitin’ for me”

You know it’s bad when you have to point out obvious things in your immediate surroundings.

2. Adele’s “Set Fire to the Rain”
Line: “But I Set Fire to the Rain/Watched it pour as I touched your face”

How do you set fire to the rain? And what does that even mean? And wouldn’t you be burning, too?

3. Katy Perry’s  “Firework”
Line: “Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?”

Nope. Never.

4. Maroon 5’s “Moves Like Jagger”
Line: “I’ve got them moves like Jagger”

Jagger had one move, and this song was an excuse for Adam Levine to have his shirt off for an entire music video.

4. Enrique’s “Tonight I’m Fucking You”
Line: “Please excuse me I don’t mean to be rude/but tonight I’m fucking you”

Do I get a say in this, Enrique?

5. Chris Brown’s “Look At Me Now”
Line: “Oops I said on my dick/ I ain’t really mean to say on my dick”

Yes, you did. And ain’t ain’t a word.

6. Far East Movement’s “Rocketeer”
Line: “Baby, we can stay fly like a G6/Shop the streets of Tokyo/Get you fly kicks”

The G6 thing barely worked once.

7. Ke$ha’s “We Are Who We Are”
Line: “And no you don’t wanna mess with us/got Jesus on our necklace”

Jesus cures leprosy; he doesn’t win bar fights.

8. Dev’s “In the Dark”
Line: “Open my body up and do some surgery”

No, thanks.

9. Taylor Swift’s “Sparks”
Line: “Meet me in the pouring rain/Kiss me on the sidewalk/Take away the pain”

Someone please kiss her in the rain already.

10. LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem”
Line: “Yo I’m runnin’ through these ho’s like Drano/I’ve got that devilish flow”

Can’t remember the last time I swooned over my drain cleaner.

11. Kanye West & Katy Perry’s “E.T.”
Line: “I’ma disrobe you/then I’ma probe you”

This brings to mind enemas and rectal exams. Good one, Kanye.

12. Beyonce’s “Party”
Line: “She got that swag so she drippin’ swagoo”

I love you, girl, but that’s the best you could come up with? Is that like Ragu, the pasta sauce?

-Heidi Thomasoni

(Photo Credit)