“I’m gunna regret drinking this bottle of mountain dew tonight when I will most likely have some fucked up dreams…” (@KelliKelliYeah, June 1)

“party shorts on. ready.” (@flshrvltns, June 1)

“Ellie goulding on repeat in my 8 AM tanning bed.” (@myfakeyelashes, June 2)

“When baked in to my skin this tanning lotion reeks like butter” (@myfakeyelashes, June 2)

“Yesterday, I had lunch with the guy who came up with the name ‘Huggies’ – awesome dude.” (@giosmelly, June 2)

“HOW IS IT ONLY 9:30 AM?!” (@stephanieohdee, June 2)

“Sometimes I forget how much I like turtles.” (@katiesisneros, June 3)

“WTF am I supposed to do w 8 pillows?!?” (@SallyHedberg, June 4)

“Getting porn star tan” (@myfakeyelashes, June 4)

“Gross – I got yolk under my fingernails.” (@LisaSnaps, June 4)

“Pretty excited to wear this tie today…” (@rmehta2, June 7)

“bike light in toilette and almost smacked a bitch…next stop” (@mini1, June 8 )

“I’m at the tire shop and feeling more exhilarated than I have felt in months. Also TMZ is on in the waiting area/rim showcasing area.” (@jasonzabel, June 9)

“cat and i just napped. she woke up and pooped, i woke up and ate.” (@Scheidio, June 11)

“Why the hell do I have an iPhone note that just says ‘concept’? I hate that that’s there.” (@katiesisneros, June 12)

“What am I supposed to do now?” (@rmehta2, June 12)

“Texas!” (@jdackerman, June 13)

“Anyone have any recommendations for awesome cat toys?” (@MFRian, June 13)

“i’m seeing orbs.” (@SallyHedberg, June 13)

“RT IF YOU’VE GOT A BUTT” (@crispinbest, June 13)

“Honestly tho how old were Seinfeld & Co. supposed 2 be? It’s like teens, 20s, 30s, weird Seinfeld age, 40s, weird Seinfeld age… Who knows!” (@thatwhitebitch, June 13)

“Skype terrifies me.” (@leckybang, June 14)

“Raiiiiinnnnnnn” (@Staciaann, June 14)

“If you’re on 394, you’re fucked” (@jaymboller, June 14)

“Heh heh. Booty Butt.” (@carolineroyce, June 14)

“The second best thing about midriff tops is that it showcases both my six-pack and treasure trail.” (@eightiespoof, June 15)

“but i thought… coffee?” (@lindsaylelivelt, June 16)

“Guess who just stabbed herself in the palm with a dirty screwdriver?” (@winnerbowzer, June 16)

“Smoking an old, old cigarette because I can” (@winnerbowzer, June 17)

“I get so confused when I’m drunk.” (@katiesisneros, June 17)

“My vagina is an alcoholic! #shotofvodkainthedivacup” (@formica_dinette, June 19)

“Well shit. Reddit Enhancement Suite just changed my life.” (@katiesisneros, June 19)

“sigh.” (@ClaireMPLS, June 21)

“Also, there are an unreal amount of BOOBS here in Vegas–I’m shocked. Just huge.” (@eriktmpls, June 22)

“Awh, I just saw a cat-family” (@sexynaythen, June 22)

“A friend left a pastry on the doorstep with a dirty joke written on the box. I’m eating it and listening to Sade. #SmoothOperator” (@trikno, June 22)

“On the funny scale, today at the office is 1,000. I just laughed so hard i cried, fell on the ground, couldnt talk and started choking! Yes!” (@DanielleMelissa, June 23)

“vests” (@kristaprints, June 23)

“I just want to tell all the birds outside that i love them.” (@MarcusMichalik, June 24)

“dipped my nuts in a vat of gold. plated that shit with electricity.” (@ison_sucks, June 24)

“Busy.” (@rmehta2, June 24)

“Man, if I had a dollar for every time I Google image searched Nikki Menaj’s ass…” (@kel4000, June 24)

“It’s lychee season, bro.” (@IceCrmSocialite, June 25)

“I haven’t even tweeted once today!” (@iamkatygoodman, June 25)

“Speaking of which, what the HELL are tootsie rolls made out of anyway? They seem a little like astronaut food.” (@KTHeaney, June 25)

“Gucci gucci Louie louie fendi fendi prada” (@Lillie_Wojcik, June 25)

“ratatatatatatatatatat” (@MissHalleyG, June 28)

“Wait, did I forget my sunglasses? Nope, got em!” (@MIIICHELLLLLLE, June 28)

“I wonder if any one has ever pretended to be the Flintstones while having sex and if they yelled Yabadabadoo when they came.” (@glittrriot, June 30)

– Compiled by @JayGabler