The Pro. “I’m only seven years old, but as you can see from my effortless technique and perfect smile, I’ve been practicing jazz dance for 15 years. That’s not possible? Whatever—I’m not good at math.”

Precision Performer. “The spirit of dance is about doing exactly what you’re supposed to do at all times, so I’m going to look straight at The Pro and make sure I’m doing exactly what she’s doing. If I look away, I might forget.”

Caught in a Nightmare. “SOMEBODY WAKE ME UP! I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know who these people are. I’ve never done this dance before. Why is everyone looking at me?!”

The Ham. “Catch that little goofy gesture? Yeah, I know you did. Here’s another! No need to thank me. Really, there’s no need. It’s a gift.”

Oblivious. “This is great! I’m totally in sync with everyone else! I’m having the time of my life! I’m a star! Jump, everyone! Jump! Jump! Jump around! Hey…where did everyone go? Is the number over? No one tells me anything.”

Precocious. “I don’t know why my booty pops like that—it just does.”

Surly. “Yeah, I know I’ve got moves. My parents know I’ve got moves, too, so they’re making me wear this ridiculous monkey costume. They can’t make me smile, though.”

Miss Mulligan. “Imma let you finish, but first let me give this cartwheel just one more try. Kthx.”

The Parent. “I’m up here wearing a tutu at center stage strictly to support the children. This is not about me. No, really.”

The Boy. “They make fun of me for this at school, but just wait. Whether I grow up to be into girls or guys, I’m gonna have my pick of the litter.”

– Jay Gabler just watched his niece star in three minutes of a two-and-a-half-hour dance spectacular.