We have favorite kids. They are the naughty ones.

We are brainwashed into saying things like “kiddos” and “put a bubble in your mouth.”

We are depressed by the teachers’ lounge. On the other hand we are totally unaffected by seeing cups of dirt or even dead guppies in the refrigerator.

We rush into the hallway to check out the pink vomit and guess correctly that it was the result of “gum chewing day.”

We are rewarded for 25 years of service in a district with plastic clocks that break after three days.

We are told things like “Your breath is stinky” or “Your hair is really messy today” by our students. We pretend it doesn’t hurt our feelings.

We fantasize about having desk jobs where we could drink coffee and check email for hours.

We hear stories such as the following, “When I grow up I’m gonna buy a ring and kneel down and ask my mom to marry me.”

We love when kids make mistakes because it is so cute. We hide these feelings from the children.

We take credit for the brilliance of our students.

We sometimes eat school lunches and almost always regret it.

We wish kids could sing, color, dance, and play games more. We think kids grow up too fast.

We are also bored by the sound of our own voices at times.

We are secretly thrilled when certain kids go on vacation or are sick or are gone for any reason.

We forget how to solve 5th grade math problems and need to consult the teacher’s guide.

We grow very attached to our students and think we may love them more than their parents do.

-Krissy Lang