This is the longest I have ever kept up with anything, I think. The reading of The Fountainhead. The playing of the French horn. The learning of the any language. The desire to be a social worker. The quitting of nail biting. Are you guys enjoying this? Because I have a couple gems for you this week!

Items of interest week of 4/6 – 4/13

Problem: Even (especially?) your virtual relationships take too much thought and effort.

Solution: A social network for the apathetic.

Problem: You’re abroad and you have to get souvenirs for your friends BUT you also want to retain your long-held position as “ethical human being.”

Solution: Don’t study abroad in China. (Seriously, I don’t know how many times I have to say this but if you are really planning to be a superpower, please get it together with the torturous toys, terrifying food, and zoos that should never be spoken of.)

Problem: Explicit Christian Lyrics

Solution: Rich Juzwiak from FourFour made an amazing DC Talk Supercut. Don’t pretend you don’t remember DC Talk.

Problem: After all kinds of soul searching, you still don’t understand your true self worth.

Solution: A website that measures it for you. In dollars.

Problem: You’re in jail, but you still want to get a modeling contract.

Solution: Miss Captivity Pageant (is fascinating, depressing)

Problem: You are not currently laughing.

Solution: 1987 Crystal Light Aerobics Championship hosted by Alan Thicke.

– Emily Weiss