There comes a point in your mid-twenties when you realize that the thousands of dollars you’ve put into maintaining your unique version of whatever society has deemed adequately attractive has been a complete waste. This could be for a number of reasons. 1) No amount of assistance will help you reach that acceptable level of attractiveness. 2) Being a dirty hippy is totally the bees knees right now, and hippies don’t have “hydrangea-infused peach extract beaded body scrub” in their vocabulary. Or 3) You’re so hot you could slather yourself in ranch dressing and dudes would still bang your shit. And probably nickname you “hot wing.” Now that We Collective Ladies have decided, unequivocally, that we can stop trying, what can be done with all our unnecessary pretty-fier products? Let The Tangential help you with that. Because we know a thing or two about giving up.

Did you know your hair straightener gets really super hot? Did you know it is almost the exact length and width of a piece of bacon? Put that shit together. I know for a fact it’ll work.

Your eyeliner doubles as a hypoallergenic way to decorate your dog. Decorate your dog?! You surely cry, what kind of hurly-burly world are you living in?! Well where do we humans get off anyway, assuming our furry friends aren’t interested in tarting up a bit? Draw a dinosaur on the side of your dog, because there’s no way that’s weird or crazy.

Eyelash curler=nipple clamp. Do you have a penis and thus don’t know what eyelash curlers look like? Google it. We’re not wrong.

Little known fact: concealer can conceal more than just your unsightly sleep deprivation-induced under eye bags from your five-day Adderall-fueled bender. Embarrassing Disney porn site up on your computer screen when mom walks in your room? Slather some concealer on the screen with the sponge applicator. Be sure to cover up Simba’s comically dark nipples. Bam! Problem solved!  Did you spend last night sitting at home horking down a footlong meatball sub while watching Dora the Explorer? Is your shirt covered in remnants of said meals and the chick that’s in your phone as “Dark roots big boobs” texted and wants to come over and touch your genitals? Conceal those stains. Don’t think too hard about it. Just do it.

Beauty product two-for-one! Stick a sponge roller (people still use those, right?) on the end of your mascara wand, roll it all up in some paint, and use that tiny hair curler to paint the walls of your dollhouse. Then, and here’s the real money maker, use another sponge roller to sop up your tears as you realize you just painted an entire dollhouse all by yourself.

-Neither Katie Sisneros nor Sarah Heuer have showered yet today. We’d also like you to suggest your own repurposed beauty products in the comments below!