Memes are to the Internet as Amanda Bynes is to Nickelodeon: the bewildering and unholy offspring of something I find generally pretty nifty. What memes will our Last Year On Earth bring? What will become of the memes of yesteryear? Katie Sisneros has some predictions.
After inadvertently providing the world with hilarious photoshopping fodder simply by sitting on a series of benches holding various snacks, Keanu Reeves finally decides to give the Internet what it wants: he plants himself outside the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City with a sock monkey, a scooter, a sewing machine, a laser projector, and a wild bear. He is wearing an American Apparel leotard and a Darth Vader helmet. The hivemind humbly surrender their Adobe software.
We watch Downfall’s Adolf Hitler, fists pounding and mustache a-twitching, lose his cool in a bunker after he finds out his Twitter account has been subpoenaed because he follows @WikiLeaks.
Insanity Wolf devours Foul Bachelor Frog. Socially Awkward Penguin watches from the corner, plans on intervening but ultimately doesn’t. The resulting meme is his most awkward yet.
Somebody captures audio of Christian Bale politely thanking a film crew member for his years of hard work and dedication. The crew member from this recording realizes that he may, in fact, be an amateur that doesn’t give a fuck about what is going on in front of the camera.
Keyboard Cat becomes jaded toward the music business, develops a drinking habit, and throws his keyboard off the balcony of a high-rise hotel room. His friends and family members attempt an intervention, but the subsequent auto-tuned A&E footage of Keyboard Cat sobbing into his mother’s arms on YouTube drives him mad. Throws himself off the same balcony of the same high-rise hotel room.
Insane Clown Posse are collectively offered free Physics 101 classes Wayne State University, still fail to grasp how magnets work. Magnets around the globe share in a collective eye-roll and dramatic sigh.
Otters continue their upward growth in the Cute Baby Animals industry, eventually taking over all baby-animal-dedicated blogs in a violent and bloody usurpation that results in the near extinction of baby koalas and baby armadillos, as well as the death of one particularly popular baby naked mole rat in a top hat. The otter overlords set their sights on Failblog and FuckYeahPrancingCera next, not resting until they have total Internet domination.
–Katie Sisneros got distracted for about forty minutes while writing this entry when she Googled “baby otters.”