Are you sick of all the quasi-artistic photos of wilting salads on Instagram? Having nightmares about Twitter’s new photo filters? Burning with rage when a friend posts pictures from their Ashton Kutcher-endorsed Nikon camera on Facebook? Think solipsistic amateurs who believe the world wants to watch them catalogue their every mediocre moment is ruining life itself? Then this app is here to appease your increasingly high blood pressure levels!

Introducing Eff Stop!, the photo app for real photographers only. It guarantees that no one who doesn’t understand the toil and craft of photography can participate and continue ruining the art of photography. This app will leave you inspired rather than beaten down by wide-angle-lens shots of people’s nieces using that crappy blur circle that mimics perspective.

Here’s how it works:

1. The quiz

Through a series of rapid-fire, intense questions, this app will determine whether or not a user’s knowledge of expensive lenses, Photoshop tools, Holga camera film sizes and other general photo knowledge passes the test of what every certified Real Photographer should know.

2. The survey

Then it asks them what they plan to take pictures of. If the answer is their children, their meals, the first snowfall or other cliché items, they’re out. If it’s things like guys’ feet on the of a Manhattan skyscraper ledge or dystopian shots of mass consumerist culture symbols against dismal urban backdrops, they’re in.

3. The challenge

Yes this app is still on a Smartphone camera. What do you want us to do, attach a $1,000 lens to it? Actually, that will probably be possible in a couple months. For now, let’s see what Real Photographers can do with phone cameras. To “undercompensate” for the medium, the app is equipped with “backfilters” that actually make your photo look worse, giving it a freakishly digital glare with plenty of red eye. This presents a challenge to the most talented of Real Photographers to compose true art with whatever medium they have.

Can’t wait to join this exclusive community? Well, you’ll have to, as it’s invite only.

–Becky Lang