The 19th century had begun
Great Britain was not having fun
They were in another war with France
They took sailors from our ships
And made them fight like they were Brits
Canada was slipping from their hands
America got really pissed
We felt, correctly, we’d been dissed
We declared a war
The Brits hit Baltimore
Francis Scott Key got poetic
And everything was copacetic
They kept the chips, we kept the fries
The day the music died

So, bye bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry
Them good ol’ boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing…
This’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

The settlers were all marching west
The water there was not the best
The families started feeling kind of queasy
The wagon was lost in the flood
And Laura started coughing blood
She said the Donner Party had it easy
And when the bedpan overflowed
She knew that it was time to go
There was nothing left to trade
So Pa dug a shallow grave
On the stone he carved a paean
Using words that were obscene
Some kid spent that recess inside
The day the music died

So, bye bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry
Them good ol’ boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing…
This’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

The salesman hadn’t met his quota
He had cars to sell a load of
Had to get some buyers for his Hondas
He took a trip to Party City
Made his dealership real pretty
Even though he didn’t really wanna
And then the crowds came pouring through
They sold him their old Subarus
Got Civics and Accords
The salesman praised the Lord
He sold the dealership to Stan
Got a tax break in Cayman
He told the IRS some lies
The day the music died

So, bye bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry
Them good ol’ boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing…
This’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

The Pixie Stix were emptied, then
Filled with hallucinogens
We tossed them back and chased with shots of whiskey
We followed that by dropping ‘ludes
Then overdid it with the lube
When we started feeling kind of frisky
I slipped when I got up to pee
She saw me lying in agony
And all she had to say
Was, “Your mole looks like Andrew Dice Clay!”
Good thing I was really high
The day the music died

So, bye bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry
Them good ol’ boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing…
This’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

– Jay Gabler