Hang your clothes on the sprinkler head.

Leave the continental breakfast waffle maker closed when it’s not in the process of waffle-making.

Steal the rubber duckie that’s been provided for your delight.

Interpret “delight” too broadly with respect to appropriate uses of the rubber duckie.

Leave a half-consumed can of Coors as a tip for your housekeeper Renee.

Iron your hair with the clothes iron.

Stand, naked, at the connecting door between your room and a stranger’s room and say, “You don’t know me. Want to?”

Torrent the M83 album leak through the hotel wireless network.

Call housekeeping and request that someone come up and re-fold the end of your toilet paper into a point.

Leave a baby in the dresser drawer.

Reserve a block of rooms for your friends who live “The Lifestyle”; go to the next-door Ruby Tuesday’s; get drunk; trade unmarked key cards; and run giggling through the second floor trying every door.

Do a cannonball in the whirlpool.

– Jay Gabler is enjoying his stay.