Statements That Don’t Really Mean Anything, So You Shouldn’t Even Make Them
“Our band is breaking up.” We all know you’ll be getting back together after your solo albums flop.
“I’m going on a diet.” Either eat less or don’t. You don’t need to issue a press release about it.
“I’m old.” You know what? I’ll bet I can find someone older. Either die, or quit complaining.
“I’m straight.” “I’m gay.” “I’m bisexual.” Whatever you say, Anne Heche.
“I’m quitting Facebook.” “I’m quitting Twitter.” Whatever you say, Lily Allen.
“I don’t smoke.” Maybe not until you’ve had a few drinks.
“I don’t drink.” Maybe not until you try to quit smoking.
“We hook up sometimes, but we’re not dating.” Then why do the tendons in your neck stand out when I mention that other girl’s name?
“I love you.” If you really meant that, you’d read my blog.
“I don’t read blogs.” OH SNAP.