What is love? We could look it up in the dictionary, but I don’t think that definition would satisfy everyone. We could look it up on Urban Dictionary, but I don’t think that definition would satisfy everyone either—though it would certainly be more entertaining.

For some, love is an action. Tony and Stacy are showing their love for each other right now by standing up before all of us and publicly pledging their unending devotion. Love can also be driving across town to help fix a flat tire on your partner’s car, or watching the kids so your partner can go out to a movie, or baking a cake, or leaving a little note in your loved one’s pocket. If two people stay together for decades, standing by each other through thick and thin, we might say, okay, that is love.

For others, love is a feeling. It’s not something you can see or touch, it’s something deep inside. It’s that flutter in your stomach when she walks by, it’s the way your heart jumps when he calls, it’s that intangible x-factor that inspires you to make the most important decision of your lives, together.

Maybe, though—just maybe—love is what you make of it. Love is what you call it, whenever you decide to call it love. Love changes. Love is no one fixed thing, and every day you’ll wake up and find new ways to love each other and those around you. One day, “love” could be the way he holds your hand. Years later, “love” could be the way your newborn baby looks into your eyes.

And maybe one day, Tony will be out of town at a work meeting and he’ll be frustrated at how Stacy always seems to be tired these days and always just talks about the kids and the car and her job and never asks him how he’s doing, and maybe a woman who’s his best friend and coworker, someone he’s always secretly desired, goes back to his room to have a drink and puts her hand on his thigh and suddenly they’re lying on the bed, they’re undressed, he’s inside her and at the moment of climax he moans, “Oh, God, I love you!”

Is that love? Maybe, for Tony, at just that moment, it will be. So Tony and Stacy, as you begin your lives together, know that we celebrate with you and share the joy in the love you have today, and we will learn to understand whatever love, or loves, you find in the days to come. Congratulations.

– Jay Gabler