“what is the fascination with marie osmond?” (@jasonzabel, May 4)

“coffee, coffee, coffee…should be done, now! Time to get a cup” (@Slachetka, May 5)

“I want ice cream.” (@MNMOstyle, May 5)

“Hey you guys! That was awesome!” (@Daniellempls, May 6)

“fuck you, pay me” (@ison_sucks, May 6)

“Dream.” (@yokoono, May 6)

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear FLUFFFFffffffffFFyyyyyYyyY! Happy birthday cute bunny XxxxxxX” (@katenash, May 9)

“feel like my stomach is full of sick” (@crispinbest, May 10)

“i am such a stressball” (@frecklednfab, May 10)

“Oh sweet Jesus” (@MarcusMichalik, May 10)

“Pizza Time – A Time for Pizza” (@jaymboller, May 16)

“I am now the proud owner of an iPhone 4.” (@moregan1, May 16)

“Caesar wraps are bullshit, every time” (@philouza, May 17)

“WHOA platypuses have toxic spurs” (@jasonzabel, May 19)

“I saw a squirrel fall out of the top of a tree and do a belly flop on the street tonight. It ran around in circles completely shook up after” (@JakeRudh, May 20)

“He/she ended up being ok after the fall. Took a few minutes to adjust. Felt sorry for the little fella. p.s. the moon’s gorgeous tonight” (@JakeRudh, May 20)

“Bach or Chablis…? Bach or Chablis…? Bach or Chablis…? Bach or Chablis…? Bach or Chablis…? Bach or Chablis…? Bach or Chablis…?” (@BBCMusicMag, May 21)

“aliens are real” (@Nicole_Alicia_, May 21)

“I am certain of nothing.” (@LilyTroia, May 21)

“BARRY GIBB TALK SHOW” (@MarcusMichalik, May 21)

“Leapin’ lizards Gene Hackman is cool!” (@SallyHedberg, May 22)

“Fucking asshole day at culvers” (@AlexGaterud, May 22)

“$22 well spent !” (@flshrvltns, May 22)

“Whiskey and bananas compliment each other in their paradox, like a smoking biker” (@whiskeymark, May 27)

“Got to the airport early, no line to check in…nice, but now Ive got some time to kill” (@stephanieohdee, May 30)

“Best 22 mins of tanning bed ever at golden tan. Like, tangasm good.” (@myfakeyelashes, May 31)

– Compiled by Jay Gabler