-Warning: Your bank has sent your statement to your parents – again. It says you only have $5.44 and your last purchase was $42 at Lowry Hill Liquors. Expect a concerned call and consider updating your address.

-Unusual spending on gas station coffee: By spending just $4 more every day, you could have coffee that doesn’t come in a brown styrofoam cup that advertises its full 24 oz. and Speedy Rewards benefits. We urge you to consider this option.

-Unusual spending on beads: Hi, Becky, you spent $30 on beads. What’s up with that? You a bit lonely? Having a quarter-life crisis? Feel free to call our customer service reps to engage in some real human conversation.

-ACTION REQUIRED: Uh, you left your wallet in a cab.

-Warning: We notice an increase in Taco Bell spending. We’d like to offer our insight that eating gorditas will turn you into a gordita.

-Warning: Remember that bottle of Coke Zero you bought last night? Well, you overdrafted, so it technically cost you $37.

-Unusual spending on cabs: We know that you are advancing your friendship with the infamous Cab Driver Lou, but remember the days when you used to take the bus? What happened to those? Now that it’s not -5 degrees on a daily basis, we urge you to re-familiarize yourself with more inexpensive modes of transportation.

-Large Deposit into TCF Bank account. Looks like you got your tax refund. Also, Large Withdrawal from TCF Bank account. Looks like a loan payment just took it. Disregard this message.

–Becky Lang