First of all, “I’d watch anything with party supplies.” This could have two possible meanings:

1) I would watch any kind of program or play or music video that involved party supplies.

2) I would watch literally anything, as long as I had party supplies on hand.

The latter implies that the process of “watching” itself is cause for celebration, requiring you to have tiny maracas on hand should you suddenly have a divine moment that requires a joyous catharsis. Wow. Gonna think about that.

The next part is more of a challenge. “sup with Your Miley Cyrus sex doll Tim Pawlenty.” This is particularly controversial, because everyone knows our former governor Tim Pawlenty wants to become the next Republican president. (Esquire even wrote an article about him!) Having a Miley Cyrus sex doll would certainly challenge the values held by the Republican party, which involve lots of icky feelings about the subject of teens having sex, unless they produce babies out of it a la Bristol Palin. A Miley Cyrus sex doll is infertile, so this is awkward. But this question doesn’t criticize Pawlenty, necessarily, but the doll. “What’s up with it?” Does she have some kind of flaw? A missing eye? A bald patch? Does she pee if you feed her orange juice?

The most interesting thing about this sentence is that it is two separate thoughts combined into one – both a question for Pawlenty and a news headline: “Tim Pawlenty to get aids.” Interesting. Does it mean the disease? If so, how will he get it? Can you get AIDS from a Miley Cyrus sex doll? Or does it simply mean the work kind, as in Presidential aids? The capitalization might imply the latter. Does this mean he will become the President?

But the most mysterious thing is that the whole thing ends with “and,” implying a missing part of the message that we shall never retrieve. Why, http://yes.thatcan.be/my/next/tweet/? Why?

–Becky Lang does not advocate the future presidency of Tim Pawlenty