It’s here – The Miley Cyrus sex doll! Technically, this should just be a great day for perverts, but isn’t it also kind of a great day for everyone? We all kinda want one, just because it’s the closest thing to having your very own Miley, hanging out around the house, orifices there whether you desire to use them or not. If you’re a 13-year-old girl with no peen, here are some other fun things you can use it for:

-Leave it in your bed while you sneak out of your bedroom to go hang out with your Nick Jonas sex doll.

-Bring her to school and pretend she’s your new, mute friend from Ukraine. Hide secret notes for your friends in her holes and trick all your teachers.

-Occasionally leave her face-down in your pool so your parents will think you’re dead. Then they’ll really appreciate you.

-Shoot your own version of Lars and the Real Girl, with a tear-jerking scene set to “Achy Breaky Heart.”

-Use it to frame your no-good older brother. You know what we mean.

-Uh, attach it to a cross and scare the crows.

What are YOU gonna do with yours?

–Becky Lang