Oh, it’s you. I thought we were friends, but then suddenly you were just too busy on your Girl Scouts downhill ski trip to come to my birthday party. I hope you guys ate lots of Samoas and earned some neat badges. I happened to be doing something a lot cooler at the time, which was jamming with all my real friends in the world of Lisa Frank. And you know what? Not coming was your loss.

What you didn’t know, cuz I couldn’t put it on my radioactive duck invitations, is that I have a magical trapper keeper. So yeah, so everyone came over, like Tina and Taylor and Kaylee, and we ate some Reeses Cups and chips with dip and then we grabbed my trapper keeper and said, “Lisa, Lisa, let us in.” Then BOOM, a ton of rainbows shot out and we were in the real life world of Lisa Frank. Right away we encountered some teddy bears, and you know what, they were just rapping. Just hanging out and rapping. We danced with them; it was cool. I think they mighta rapped something mean about you but I won’t say what it was cuz I’m nice, not a birthday party ditcher like you.

Then we rode horses and a magical butterfly landed on my head, and it granted me three birthday wishes. I said I wished for some new arts and crafts supplies and then BOOM they were there. We all got off our horses and sat in a big purple field of rippling glow-in-the-dark flowers and got out our markers and spiral bound notebooks. I drew a purple baby cheetah and then suddenly it came to life, right in front of me. It was so cute I named him, “Racer.” He had a little yellow monkey friend that I named “Nanner.”

Eventually we got sleepy from all the horseback-riding and rapping and it was time to go home. I drew us a door back to my house in my spiral bound notebook and then we all climbed through the magical door. My big brother came in the den and was all like, “You guys, I think mom put my magic mushrooms in her chip dip,” But we were just like, “Oh, Austin, you have six faces right now, shut up!” Then we played MASH and went to bed at like 6 a.m. Pretty late huh?

So, as you can see, it was pretty cool, and you really, really missed out. Ooh, what’s that? A Ready, Set, Dream! Coloring and Activity Book? That’s so sweet! I love it. Guess I’ll forgive you for not coming to my party. But you really missed out.

–Becky Lang, with extra Lisa Frank consulting by Emily Weiss