1. Don’t have a car.
This isn’t the most important way to be unimportant, but it helps. To be safe, also don’t have a friend who bums you rides. This way, you get to take the bus every day. While you do learn things on the bus, like, “How to kill small animals” or “That bio test seemed like it had a lot of ‘B’ answers, didn’t it?” none of these things will enhance your general relevance in a high school setting.

2. Be in student council.
An important part of having a high school career that is nothing like the characters on “Skins” is being in student council. This says, “I have a bland interest in the general accomplishing of feelgood tasks. P.S., teachers like me!” That way you will get to spend your spare time doing stuff like arguing about the title of the Sno dance (Sno Ball wins out) and coloring posters with markers.

3. Don’t be skanky.
You might be panicking right now. Like, “How can I not slut it up in high school? Everything around me is telling me, Go! Go! Go!” But just wait a minute here. At the age of 17, girls are generally Super Cute and boys are Greasier than Ever. This creates a general 6:1 ratio of attractive girls to attractive boys. Your chances are slim, unless you want to be part of a 5-girl lap dance for that one tolerable guy in your class. Might as well lay low till college, eh?

4. Choose at least one “uncool” extracurricular.
The debate team is pretty fun. It’s like a hideout for other people who are interested in logic, law and Latin. Being unimportant right now is tough, but here’s a pro-tip: Stocking up some nerd points in high school can pay off later.

5. Do not do drugs, smoke cigarettes or drink.
This is an important one, maybe the most important. Ever hear the tale of the Unimportant Girl Who Started Smoking Pot? You know, the gymnast who ditched her leotard and tights for tie-dye? Well, she suddenly gets Important, and boys like her and her skin starts to glow. So just stay away from that stuff.

–Becky Lang sincerely advocates being on the debate team