How to Write Something for the Tangential

How to Write Something for the Tangential

1. Pick a zany topic that utilizes the niche interests of 20something Minneapolis ravewavers with internet presences (20sMRWWIPs). This includes things like Gchatting while at work, sleeping around, alcohol, indie bands, relevant blogs + bars, Four Loko, Adderall, and LCD Soundsystem/Radiohead.

2. Incorporate as many of these interests as possible into a ‘top x’ list, how to guide, where are they now, or ‘what your favorite x says about you,’ etc. format.

3. Include something innocuously offensive like ‘boobs,’ ‘sex,’ or ‘alternative lifestyles.’

4. Mention someone that 20sMRWWIPs know and love but is generally unknown outside this circle. Top consideration: Choire Sicha.

5. Write the actual content of the post. This should be written in a deadpan, disaffected voice. Describe something salacious in enough minutiae that people know it happened to you but without any emotion. Keep the post upbeat by ending self deprecating comments with an exclamation point.

6. Understand the needs of your audience. 20sMRWWIPs have many pressing needs. They don’t have time to read through blocks of unbolded content. You must arrange your post in some kind of list format so they can skim the page and see if your writing is ‘worth’ the next 1-2 minutes of their life. 20sMRWWIPs have to do boring things like work at a job all day, they need you to write premium content so they can feel alive again even though they totally ‘sold out’ and work for Target now. Above all else, 20sMRWWIPs need to feel desired and understood but also a little bit scared, like this post is unpredictable and could go anywhere but they’ll always feel safe with you.

7. Throw in a jizz joke.

8. Give your post a straightforward title that explains everything you would need to know about the content. Suggestions: ‘Top 10 ways to know if you are a hipster from your gchat status’ ‘What your least favorite bar on Franklin + Lyndale says about you’ ‘Potential indie band names derived from adjectival phrases from ’90s cereal boxes.’

9. Pop a benzie and email to Tell her it’s ‘totally chill if she wants to post it.’ Retweet @thetangential when they tweet about your article. Try to find a balance between telling as many people as possible you’re in a super relevant blog and acting like you don’t care. Put a GPOY on your Tumblr next to open on your Macbook Pro.

10. Worry about what you’ll write next.

Chrissy Stockton