The Tangential
Mighty Ducks

Things Minnesotans Get Emotional About

ShareBeing more than a flyover state Happy hours Parking New foods at the Minnesota State Fair Potholes Condo construction in Dinkytown Crop reports Camp Snoopy Pedal Pubs (love or hate) Bars (the edible kind) Josh Hartnett’s unibrow Our hip-hop scene Dan Wilson’s songwriting Still voting for Walter Mondale The Quadriga Topping lutefisk with cream gravy (instead of […]

iPad Mini

Messages to Have Laser-Engraved On Your iPad Mini

  My other iPad is huge I promise. Please fill the void. Here lies print. Come at me, Kindle. Dick may be larger than it appears in pic Beware of Dog (pics) Will write poems for iTunes gift cards This machine pwns Gateway Real men use WebCrawler Non-Redditors Need Not Apply [Your Twitter password, so […]

Pope

Hipster Pope Names

Pope Cumberbatch VIII Pope DIIV Pope John Paul Collective Pope Austin SXSW Pope Warby Parker I pOpE Pope Indifferent Pope Kashi Go Lean Pope John Misty Pope? Pope. Pope Generation X Pope Pulp the Juice Pope Olivia Pope of ABC’s runaway hit show Scandal Pope Just a Second I’m Tweeting This Pope to the Maxx Pope […]

dogma_buddy_christ

Hot Tips for Making Jesus Sound Cool to Today’s Youth

Give Jesus an outline tattoo of Nazareth on his forearm. Tell kids that the Jesus lets them experience the holy spirt in “retina display.” Have Jesus wear an “I <3 Jesus” shirt ironically. Give Jesus a guest song on Yo Gabba Gabba! Put Jesus on a skateboard. Have him participate in Red Bull’s Crashed Ice. […]

90s copy

52 Things From the 90s That No One Misses

“Hidden tracks” after ten minutes of silence at the end of albums Dial-up Internet, and the sound it made Vice President Dan Quayle When MTV only played music videos Jay Leno being taken seriously Palm Pilots Hotmail BK Knights NBA Jam Having your little sister die from a Ring Pop mishap Chicken Soup for the […]

Melbourne hipsters

Predictions for 2013

Melbourne hipsters become a thing Lena Dunham and Azealia Banks have brief affair; it doesn’t end well iOS viruses Record players in cars Post-Millennial cohort becomes popularly known as “Generation Tavi” Hook-up apps for seniors Naked libraries Christmas gets Christ-y again Paparazzi catch Paul McCartney and Frances Bean Cobain canoodling Multi-use washable toilet paper Japanese […]

Bored Soccer

13 Things We Were Indifferent to in 2012

Soccer Ke$ha Ancient Mayans Pee-Wee Herman’s short-lived comeback Gluten Oxford English Dictionary naming “GIF” word of the year Lindsay Lohan’s travails Genocidal-dictator memes Bret Easton Ellis vs. dead David Foster Wallace beef Local celebrities The phrase “local celebrity” Fifty Shades of Grey takeoffs White men – Jay Boller, Jay Gabler, Sarah Heuer, Becky Lang, and […]

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Ph. DJ Names

DJ Annotated Syllabi DJ Cunttural Hellativism DJ State Loan DJ Dean Impresser DJ Peer-Reviewed Study DJ Knowledge Piñata DJ Wikipedia Is Not A Valid Source DJ Latin Declension DJ Xtended Office Hours DJ Nose-In-A-Book! DJ Faculty Bus Pass DJ Former-T.A. DJ Cumparative Anal-ysis DJ Dissertatin’ DJ Color-Coded To-Do List DJ Almost 30 DJ Call Me […]

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Other Minor Fast Food Chains Announce Political Stances on Sex Things

-Burger King wants you to do masturbation your way -Annie’s Pretzels takes a stance against the stereotype that flexible people are freakier in bed -Sbarros endorses strap-on breadsticks -A&W comes out totally in favor of assplay -Culvers offers free Concretes for first 10,000 people who cut their legs during orgasms -TCBY says handjobs are immoral […]

Handyman

Increasingly Desperate Lines for Hitting On Your Hot Handyman

“Drill, baby, drill!” “You can maintain my facilities any time!” “I think you’ve got a kink in your hose.” “Oh, let me get this Nair out of your way. I use it on my hoo-hah. Just FYI.” “I like to caulk my own tub. Wanna see?” “Is that a universal remote in your hand, or is […]

Meme Mudflap

What’s Hot This Summer

Memes on mudflaps Bud Light Platinum, straight up with two olives Peen coozies Mariachi pontoon parties Jamba Juice with Adderall boost Jundies (jean undies) Doing it on the median Robot butlers Wearing a Selena Gomez mask Instagram porn Dissing music festival lineups Barack Obama’s ass Mitt Romney’s a$$ Lucky Boo feet Skipping the beach to […]

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When It’s Ok To Kick Someone in the Testicles, and When It’s Not

When It’s OK to Kick Someone in the Testicles – If anyone is putting you in a position of peril. – If you’re trying to get someone to duck quickly should a cannonball, glob of acid, etc. be heading their way. – If you’re smushing a Black Widow that’s about to bite someone in the […]

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