-Burger King wants you to do masturbation your way

-Annie’s Pretzels takes a stance against the stereotype that flexible people are freakier in bed

-Sbarros endorses strap-on breadsticks

-A&W comes out totally in favor of assplay

-Culvers offers free Concretes for first 10,000 people who cut their legs during orgasms

-TCBY says handjobs are immoral and unconstitutional

-In n Out… nevermind

-Pita Pit calls good ol’fashioned fingering “underrated”

-Long John Silvers adopts restrictive policy against cunnilingus

-Popeye’s/Panda Express join forces to announce support of handjobs

-Leeann Chin is seriously pro foot fetishism

-Gyro King not down with hair-pulling, biting….unless you are

-Five Guys thinks you should try your first gang-bang

-Jamba Juice will do anal, but doesn’t love it or anything

-Blimpie backs rape-play

-Quiznos forcefully denounces third base before first base

-Carl’s Jr wants your next orgy on our salads

-One Potato, Two Potato gives full-throated support to sex near public landmarks

-Wendy’s wants to get you into the mood by looking at nude pictures of Dave’s embalmed corpse

-Dunkin Donuts suggest donut-to-dick ring toss

-Dairy Queen releases their “diddly bar” in support of touching yourself

-Toppers Pizza comes out in support of DUH!

-Buffalo Wild Wings comes out in favor of boneless sex

-Bubble Tea Place Down the Street endorses giggling virginity and short plaid skirts

~Jay Boller, Sarah Harper, Becky Lang, Chris Vondracek, Jason Zabel, Scotty Gunderson

Photo courtesy dennis