What I’ve Learned about SXSW Girls in My Attempts to Bag One or More of Them
SXSW girls (cute ones anyway) are all going to yoga tomorrow morning. After all the Foursquaring, networking, and keg-stands off rooft..
Things You Can Do If You Arrive to SXSW a Week Early
Thanks to poor planning, my college’s spring break falling on the wrong week, and my desire to not skip work and get fired, I arrived ..
Why the Utter Failure of “Project X” is More Terrifying Than If It Had Actually Succeeded
The most noteworthy achievement of party-rocking send-up Project X is that the garden gnome (whose fingers are permanently flipping the bi..
A Guide for Drinking Responsibly With Your Parents
My mom doesn’t drink. Rumor is she once had a white-wine spritzer and passed out, feet-up, as an ambitious undergrad at a law school party..
A Phone Call with a Former Classmate That Should Dissuade Everyone From Going to Grad School in English
Sean: “Dunstan…I’ve got a problem.”
Sean: “I have 25 students at this technical college. And 19 of them ..
What Kid Rock Sees in Mitt Romney
Every former-white-rapper knows his base: rednecks. Rednecks aren’t able to actually come out and like hip-hop because Lil Wayne stickers ..
Other Important Things I Was Attending to During the Career of Your Latest Short-Lived Indie Band
Nine months ago: One night, while I was listening to classical music and cleaning my oven, I noticed your Facebook status: “Got together w..
Harry Potter Characters I’d Consider Wanding
Cho: Harry’s first crush was our first crush…on a fictional, young sorceress. The book doesn’t have pictures. So we can’t tell her babe-fa..
What the Pope Would Need to Tweet For Me to Go Back to Mass
The Vatican doesn’t take official stances on presidential elections, but seriously, #Santorum is an #assface. Ok. So sailor-talk aside. I ..
Questions (That Don’t Have Reassuring Answers) You May Ask When You Accompany the Recluse Bachelor Back to His Pad
Why is there a condom floating in your toilet?
Did you know people can see you changing from your window?..
How I’ve Dramatically Re-Shaped My Mild Run-Ins with the Law
• At the age of 8 in 1993, I phoned 911 when my dad refused to play catch with me in the backyard. I hung up immediately. But blue phoned ..
My Understanding of a Typical PR Person’s Day Via My Friend’s Twitter Updates
I have a friend who works as an account manager. She is a public relations pro. Or so say her hashtags. She works in a little firm tha..