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Stupid Things I’ve Done in Hotels
Gotten kicked out of the same hot tub four times in one night. I don’t know why hotels close their hot tubs at 11, but I tried to protest this one night by repeatedly breaking in and enjoying the bubbles. The 4th time I broke in, I was extremely intoxicated and telling myself the security…
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Dude Characteristics That I Fetishize
A Signature Accessory. Historically, this has included aviator goggles, ascots, cufflinks, all manner of hats, and even obnoxious “Don’t Mess With Texas”-style belt buckles. But it could also be silly underpants, a monacle, or even a friendly little monkey with his own tiny beret. Just a touch of dandy in a man makes my eyebrows a-flutter….
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Proof That I Haven’t Quite Made It To Adulthood, According To My Mother
I sent out an excited mass text to everyone in my cell phone when I got “High School Musical on Ice” tickets for Christmas. Talk radio makes me car sick. I proudly display my Kleenex content to anyone near me after a powerful nose blowing. If said content doesn’t fit within the snot color status…
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Cutest Apocalyptic Scenarios Ever
Coordinated attack by terrorist cats wearing tiny airline pilot uniforms! One word: Tribbles! Anthropomorphous Tonka trucks, voiced by Larry the Cable Guy, wreak havoc while making fart jokes! Boo gets into the nuclear suitcase. Ruh roh! Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, but with penguins and voiced by Morgan Freeman! Godzilla vs. Totoro! Anything involving Dr. Evil…

