Gotten kicked out of the same hot tub four times in one night.
I don’t know why hotels close their hot tubs at 11, but I tried to protest this one night by repeatedly breaking in and enjoying the bubbles. The 4th time I broke in, I was extremely intoxicated and telling myself the security guard wouldn’t recognize me cuz I was “just another white girl.” He immediately found me, said, “You’re the same girl as before! Why do you keep doing this? If I catch you in here again I’m going to throw you out of the hotel.” In my mind lots of people were breaking in and getting thrown out that night, but I guess it was just me.
Gotten invited into a wedding and then almost immediately kicked out.
I was staying at a Paul Bunyan-themed waterpark hotel and had just finished being really drunk at the water playground. My friends and I walked past a wedding that was going on in the cafeteria-thing. We peeked inside, curious about who would get married at a Paul Bunyan waterpark hotel cafeteria, and were immediately infected by the music. We danced outside the door in our swimsuits until a dude came and invited us in (note: this was not just a bunch of chicks looking hot. It was two really drunk girls, a gay dude and a straight guy). I immediately requested that the DJ play Cecilia, which IMO is a cool wedding song. The minute it finally came on, we were getting ushered out the door.
-Ordered a pizza and then passed out before it came.
-Forgot my favorite stuffed dalmation as a child.
Stayed up smoking outside until 4 a.m.
When I was in Chicago once I had a night where I just couldn’t stop smoking. My friends went to bed and I decided to go outside and see where ruining my lungs would take me. I sat on the ledge and called the much-more-sophisticated-than-I guy I had just started seeing (now my boyfriend). Even he went to bed, so I ended up talking to a teenage dude who tried to get my number and told me I was “chill as fuck.” I felt very unchill in the morning.
Helped my friend steal every decorational cactus.
My friend was in a bad mood because his camera had broken and he had thrown it off the train (?). While we were riding the elevator, he told a stranger – a nice-looking woman – that he was going to kill himself that night. “Read the paper in the morning. You’ll see me, first headline. ‘Guy kills himself.’” She scampered off as fast as she could. The only thing that made him feel better was the idea of stealing the fake cacti sitting outside of each floor’s elevator “as a present for his girlfriend.” I think I condoned this but dipped out quickly to go drink and watch TV.
Broken into the continental breakfast/mini bar
My boyfriend and I decided to see how much free booze/cereal/ donuts we could get in the middle of the night. What ended up happening was we couldn’t get the milk machine to work (we went to that first for some reason), and we accidentally spooked a hotel staffer who walked into the room and almost shrieked when she saw us. We told her it was ok and she nodded confusedly while we left with 3 bananas and a thing of peanut butter.
Fallen asleep in front of one of the dudes from Das Racist complaining about how I didn’t get enough Taco Bell.
One of our first blog-trips involved staying in the room next to Das Racist and playing chicken with them in the pool, as well as lots of general getting fucked up. As my friends partied on into the night, I passed out, angry and incensed over my taco injustice. Glad I left a good impression.
It’s sad how this list could probably carry on.
–Becky Lang is staying in a hotel tonight!
Leave a Reply