Author: Katya Karaz
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My Failure to Attain Inner Peace During Hot Yoga
Entering the Studio… “Welcome, everyone! I’m Josh, your instructor. Please take a moment to embrace this space. This is your space. Come into it, and reflect on the peace it brings you.” It kind of smells like cedar in here, and the warm color scheme reminds me of my favorite Indian restaurants. Dear God, it…
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Post-College: Days of Small Triumphs and Small Defeats
Triumph: 7:34 AM. Manage to get presentable for work in only ten minutes after sleeping in. You didn’t even tear a run in your pantyhose! Grab a brownie-flavored Clif Bar for breakfast, you health nut! Defeat: 7:38 AM. On your way out, ask the surly Russian contractor working on your apartment stairwell when the new…
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Updated “Chicken Soup for the ___ Soul” Target Groups
Chicken Soup for the Incarcerated Embezzler’s Soul Chicken Soup for the Bi-curious Adolescent’s Soul Chicken Soup for the Cheating Vegan’s Soul Chicken Soup for the Unread Blogger’s Soul Chicken Soup for the Relentless Republican’s Soul Chicken Soup for the Discouraged Democrat’s Soul Chicken Soup for the Middle Class American who Braves Brief but Enlightening Visits…
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When I Should Have Kept my Mouth Shut
Age 6 –Playground at my Elementary School Everyday in grade school, without fail, I spent the whole of my 25 recess minutes on the swing set. Whoever took the swing beside me automatically became my playmate for the day. One afternoon a classmate accepted this underwhelming offer, and before we knew it the two of…
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When to Offer “The Long Story” and “The Short Story”
When to offer “The Long Story:” …you have cancer. …I’m actually a woman/man. …your cat is dead. …I’m moving in! …it was a case of incest. …I’m secretly wealthy. …you’re gonna have to watch the kids. …that’s actually a felony. …we have to amputate. …there’s no hot water, so you’ll just have to ‘rough it.’…
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Contradictory Lessons from my Biracial Upbringing
I grapple on a daily basis with polar impulses inherited from my Egyptian father and Norwegian mother. For recurring real-life scenarios that leave me torn, I’ve developed these guidelines, and reference whatever sentiment best fits the setting. Scenario: You are injured Egyptian reaction: Regardless of your injury’s severity, panic- but remain collected enough to consult…
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There’s Nothing Surprising about Musical Flash Mobs
When Rent came out on DVD, I survived a remarkable twenty minutes of what I thought was rock bottom for terrible musical theater. My only consolation was that, so long as I avoided their allotted venues, these “contemporary classics” were completely avoidable. Graduating from my liberal arts college and moving off campus also helped. I…
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This Just In!
Greek yogurt is the new feta cheese! The environment is the new third world! Polygamy is the new quintuplet family! Gluten-free is the new low carb! Microbrews are the new fine wine! Kristin Wiig is the new Tina Fey! The Hitler Youth is the new sexy bed head! Dry shampoo is the new Bump-It! Wasps…
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Because I’m Only 23, These Hobbies are Quirky Not Square
1. Wearing frumpy second hand shop sweaters While the oversized, pastel-colored Bill Crosby tributes I pick up at hipster consignment shops appear frumpy and dated on women over 35, they are acceptably quirky and adorable when I sport them with leggings and ankle boots. These hideous commodities were produced and hit their demand/value peak before…