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How I’ve Dramatically Re-Shaped My Mild Run-Ins with the Law
• At the age of 8 in 1993, I phoned 911 when my dad refused to play catch with me in the backyard. I hung up immediately. But blue phoned back, forcing my mom to give me a crash course in “proper apologies.” Later at the swimming pool, I told my friends there had been…
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Playground Personal Brands
Kid With ADHD Who Can’t Stop Quoting Quagmire from Family Guy™ “Gemstone Expert” Boy Who Gets Along Better With Girls™ Girl Going Through Puberty Early Who is Embarrassed About Her Sports Bra™ Boy Who Doesn’t Get He Shouldn’t Throw Balls Hard at Special Needs Kids During Dodgeball™ Windpants Guy™ Kid Talking About R-Rated Movies He’s…
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The Presidents of My Lifetime: Memory Dump
Gerald Ford: President when I was born, which is something not many people can say because he stepped up to replace the scandalized Nixon but was not reelected, via being a doofus. At least, that’s what I gather from Chevy Chase Saturday Night Live sketches I’ve seen on YouTube. Jimmy Carter: President when I was in diapers….
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Indie Musician’s Guide to Taking Criticism
1. Turn it back on the journalist. How much do they know about music? Can they even play hot cross buns on a ukele? Hmm? They probably don’t even know what an E flat sounds like. They wish they were a *real* musician but went into writing cuz they sucked at music and resent everyone…
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What Male Politicians Say About Contraception, and What Women Hear
“ This contraceptive thing. My gosh, it’s so inexpensive. Ya know, back in my days they used to use Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals would stick it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.” – Foster Freiss What women hear: “I miss the days when good women baked cakes while we blew our…
