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Suggested Track Listing for Carly Rae Jepsen’s Covers Album
God Bless the U.S.A. Maybe (Lee Greenwood) Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car Maybe (Billy Ocean) I Kissed a Girl Maybe (Katy Perry) Fall On Me Maybe (R.E.M.) Like a Virgin Maybe (Madonna) I’m Goin’ Down Maybe (Bruce Springsteen) Push It Maybe (Salt-n-Pepa) Beat It Maybe (Michael Jackson) Eat It Maybe (“Weird…
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The False Mystique of Living in Small Town USA
I’m 27 years old. And for approximately 85% of my twenties, I’ve lived in a small town. (The other 15% I was in Rochester, MN, and Minneapolis, MN, in Loring Park.) Point is, when someone has said I’ll meet you at the bowling alley, I’ve known which one. Occupying the lone coffee shop in town,…
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The Freakish Resonance of the Final Destination Movies
“You are obsessed with Final Destination,” my boyfriend told me the other day, as I was talking on the phone in my car, describing the freakish accident I totally could have just gotten into, in my mind. “Of course I am.” “But why? They’re not even good movies.” “Well .. the first one is. No,…
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Less Obvious Reasons It’s Good I Don’t Have a Baby
I hate sharing food. I have Joey Tribbiani-levels of devotion to the food on my plate. If I offer you a bite, hey! Congratulations! You’ve passed over into a coveted level of friendship in which I have deemed you worthy to consume food that is rightfully mine. But children have no sense of personal ownership.…
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Please Take More Photos of Me Looking Young and Carefree
Dear Friends and Family, As you may know, Beyonce’s tumblr went live with loads of photos of her personal life. This is particularly interesting because I like to compare myself to Beyonce. However, it has come to my attention that my online persona is not nearly as artsy as hers. Because of this, I have…
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Other Kinds of Sisterhood than the Traveling Pants Kind
Underage sisterhood of the constantly upsold remaining fractions of a bottle of Karkov Sisterhood of girls on the playground sitting under a tree playing Nintendogs, with one honorary boy member who collects gel pens Sisterhood of 5’s and one 7 who doesn’t like to be around girls hotter than she is Cat sisterhood of lady…