In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a young woman who also happened to be a virgin. The woman had gotten engaged to her longtime boyfriend named Joseph, a descendant of David, on a vacation to Iceland. They hadn’t planned a wedding yet, but both agreed there was no rush.

The woman’s name was Mary.

The angel Gabriel visited Mary while she was at a coffee shop and, after waiting for a convenient break in her work, introduced himself and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be, or more importantly whether Gabriel was just a creep trying to hit on her. The angel sensed the awkwardness and said, “Sorry! I completely know how weird and sudden this sounds. God, my boss who asked me to tell you this, can really be tone deaf to that kind of thing. If it’s okay with you, I’ll just finish my message and then I’d be totally happy to answer some questions. Then I promise I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.”

Mary, disturbed and eager to be rid of Gabriel, considered for a moment and agreed. “All right, fine, what is the message?”

“Great!” said Gabriel. “ I appreciate it. Basically, God likes you a lot and wants to give you a really great gift. The gift is — this is the big part — you are going to have a baby boy here pretty soon who will be the most important person ever to live. He’s going to be your son, but also the Son of God which means he’ll reign over the entire kingdom of Israelites forever. And it would mean a lot to God if you were to name him Jesus.”

“What in the actual fuck,” Mary scoffed at the angel. “None of this is any of your business, but Joseph and I were actually just talking about children and we agreed we’re not having any at least until he is done with grad school. And the fact of the matter is, dumbass, we’re not even having sex now so how do you expect me to have a baby here ‘pretty soon?’”

The angel answered, “Mary, those are all valid questions and I totally get where you’re coming from. The Lord operates on this high level of existence that I know can be super disorienting at first. I also want to make totally clear before I say anything else that having God’s baby does not involve sex at all — with God, with Joseph, with anyone. The Holy Spirit can just make pregnancies happen if he wants them to. Like magic. Look at your friend Elizabeth — everyone said she couldn’t have a baby because she was too old, but now she’s in the third trimester. God made that happen.”

“Ha!” Mary answered. “Oh, God did, did He? Well in that case, I am the Lord’s servant and may your word to me be fulfilled.”

“Really? That’s great news.” replied Gabriel. “All the best to Joseph and your new baby Jesus. I’m sure I’ll see you guys around.”

“Whatever,” said Mary as she turned back around to her computer.

Then the angel left her.

– Tom Johnson