Ten Movies to Watch Instead of “The Girl on the Train”

If you’re into body-double obsession: Vertigo

If you believe the Sight & Sound decennial critics poll, this Hitchcock classic is the greatest movie ever made. You know what’s not the greatest movie ever made? The Girl on the Train.

If you’re into neighborly drama: The ‘Burbs

This may not actually be a better movie than The Girl on the Train, but it’s certainly not worse — and at least when you’re finished, you’ll know what your friends are talking about when they say, “There go the goddamn brownies!”

If you’re into Emily Blunt: The Devil Wears Prada

A movie where Emily Blunt plays an actual character, not a series of plot devices.

If you’re into psychoanalysis: A Dangerous Method

If you’re going to have an ethically compromised shrink, at least go straight to Carl motherfucking Jung — and let him spank the hysteria right out of you.

If you’re into movies with music by Danny Elfman: The Nightmare Before Christmas

Not only does he compose, he sings!

If you’re into hot and underqualified nannies: Uptown Girls

Brittany Murphy at her best — and in this movie, you can actually tell the nanny apart from the mom she works for.

If you’re into alcoholism movies: Leaving Las Vegas

Nic Cage may not be as attractive a drunk as Emily Blunt (granted, that’s a matter of personal judgement), but his blackouts are much more true to life.

If you’re into sexual drama that ends in absurd violence: Fatal Attraction

The definitive wait-they-ended-it-that-way?!? movie, Fatal Attraction at least starts strong before taking a turn for the absurdly gory.

If you’re into trains: Strangers on a Train

Similarly, a gothic drama that starts on a train. Differently, a character study that plumbs the depths of the human heart.

If you’re into Gone Girl: Gone Girl

Just watch Gone Girl. Again.

– Jay Gabler