A Eulogy for America’s Next Top Model
The fierce and sometimes bootyful reality television series America’s Next Top model was pronounced dead today via a tweet by its creator Tyra Banks. The leading cause of death is thought to be Banks’ new makeup line, Tyra Beauty, which looks to be a modern spin on Mary Kay makeup with tangibly higher levels of “Boom Boom Boom.” Other possible causes of death are the forced use of the phrase “Pot Ledom” and the dressing up of its first-ever Native American contestant as Pocahontas.
America’s Next Top Model is survived by its many worldwide franchises, including Supermodel Centroámerica, Danmarks Næste Topmodel and Hľadá sa Supermodelka. The show is also survived by its few successful contestants, including YaYa DaCosta, Analeigh Tipton and Fatima Siad.
Few can forget the smizes that this series brought to our faces, the tooches that it brought to our booties. We will miss you ANTM. If we could do a Ty-over, we wouldn’t change a thing. Thanks for always twerkin’ it H-2-T. Miss Jay bless.