Ten Things to Do While You’re Being a Conscientious Objector to the Super Bowl
Watch every Philip Seymour Hoffman movie that’s streaming on Netflix (that’s Mary and Max, A Late Quartet, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Hard Eight, Salinger, and Leap of Faith).
Go to a coffeeshop, listen to the Pixies, and write a short story about a twentysomething New Yorker who feels alienated from mass culture. Submit it to an alt lit zine.
Go for a jog, and high-five everyone you pass, saying, “Fuck football!”
Share a link to a Sports Illustrated story about a former pro football player who no longer recognizes his trophy wife.
Compute exactly how much it would cost to make a giant plate of nachos with cheese, jalapeños, and taco meat; put that money towards the purchase of a breeding pair of guinea pigs from the Heifer Project.
Go grocery shopping, and banter with the cashier. “Must be nice to have that insane rush over with, huh?”
Watch Nature: The Funkiest Monkeys on PBS.
Go to afternoon Mass at your local church, and enjoy the self-congratulatory sermon about how there are Higher Powers than the commissioner of the National Football League.
Live-tweet America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Stand outside a sports bar and yell, “Goodbye, Columbus! Goodbye, Columbus!”
Photo by Matt Shobe (Creative Commons)