Forte: Like “fortay” or else your “forte” is clearly not in pronouncing things American.

Bruschetta: It should be pronounced “brussketta” but do you really want to be that guy? Not in my country.

Jalepeño: “Jyah-lah-pee-no” or else your mom might not add it to your Subway sub.

Hors d’oeuvres:  Regroup with yourself and admit you’re never going to remember how to spell this word (phrase). But that’s ok. How often does it come up other than when you’re at a wedding/ office Christmas party? Never. Just say “appetizers” instead cuz they’re kind the same thing … right?

Espresso: Pronounce it “espresso” within city limits, “expresso” everywhere else.

Envelope: You heard a teacher pronounce this “ahnvelope” once and you felt really confused. Turns out that’s how the French say it. Never feel pressure to say things (or do things) how the French do. You are American.

Mexico: “May-hee-co” … saying it that way makes you seem like that weird kid that won’t shut up about how he built a house with his church group in the summer of 11th grade. Let’s just call it “Mecksikoh.”

Tortilla: Say it “torteeya” or else you keep a shotgun on your porch you shitty American.

Iraq: “Eeh-raq” when talking to people who watch The Daily Show, “Eye-raq” in all other circumstances.

Tijuana: Where did the last seasons of Weeds take place? “Tee-you-ahna.”

Chipotle: If you say “Chip-ole-tay” you are dumb. Read it slow. Even we Americans can get down with the word that means “best burrito everrrr.”

Volkswagon: “Volks-wagon.” Like it says. Anything else and you’re a Nazi sympathizer.

Caiprinha: “Just get a Margarita, mom!”

Mano a mano: Just use this in contexts to mean “man to man,” never “hand to hand” like it actually means. “Mano” is Spanish for man right, per the “add an O to an English word” rule of Spanish … right?

–Becky Lang for real would like to know how to pronounce foreign words without sounding douchey in America

Photo by Richard